Twenty Minutes as a Responsible Driver

 

Hello Blog-Stalkers!  I know you are surprised to know that I had a moment of being a responsible driver.  I did not allow road rage to consume me.  I was a wise, non hand-gesturing driver for just over 20 minutes.

 

Today, driving to town on a busy FM hwy, I had the unfortunate luck to get behind a farm truck pulling a large, very old trailer.  The trailer had no tail gate type device to hold the contents of the trailer INSIDE the trailer, and nothing inside the trailer was tied down.  The trailer was holding a large variety of metal type objects, obviously headed to the junk yard.

This is a dilemma.  I can’t drive too close, or some of that junk is gonna fall out and hit my car, and I can’t pass because the road is very busy and dangerous.  So, I followed behind at a safe distance going WAY below the speed limit.  It wasn’t long before I had quite a line of vehicles behind me.  (Most of them suburbans, but I’m trying not to judge.)

At that moment in time, I had five delightful boys riding with me.  All of them better drivers than myself.  All of them eager to give their driving advice.

“Why are we going so slow?”

“What’s that in that guy’s trailer?”

“Is that a fire hydrant?  Hey!  I think he has an old fire hydrant in the back of that trailer!”  “If it falls out, can we stop and pick it up?”

“Whoa, mom, look at all the cars behind us.”

We’re going so slowly because of that full trailer ahead of us.  None of that stuff is tied down, and it’s about to fall out the back, and I don’t want it to hit my car.  Yes, I think that’s an old fire hydrant and no, we aren’t going to stop and pick it up when it falls out.  I think he’ll know when it falls out.  Yes, I see all those cars behind us.  Don’t look at them; they’re signaling my number one status.

So, onward we go, 5 more miles. 

IN MY MIND: Seriously.  Lady, can’t you see the trailer in front of me.  Being 6 inches from my back bumper isn’t going to speed me up.  I’m already late.  I don’t have anything to lose by going this slow.  In fact, I can keep it up all day. 

Brown suburban turns.

IN MY MIND: Whew!  Glad that’s over. 

Onward we go, 5 more miles.

IN MY MIND:  Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.  Red suburban, really?  Kind gestures won’t speed me up.  Can’t you see that fire hydrant is about to fall out of that guy’s trailer?  I’m already late.  I don’t have anything to lose by going even more SLOWLY.

Onward we go, 2 more miles.

Finally, I reach my turn.  I enter the turning lane, and make my safe left turn while the truck and trailer go straight ahead.  The red suburban has turned her attention to hand gesturing to the truck now, and doesn’t see the fire hydrant fall out of the back of the trailer.

No joke.

Thank you Karma!

One boy says, “OH MOM!  The fire hydrant fell out of the back of the trailer!  Can we please go back and pick it up?”

Another boy says, “HA! HA!  Did you see that suburban swerve?”

Yet another boy says, “NOW I see how pot holes are made in the new roads. Hmmm… that sorta stinks for the rest of the cars.”

Yes, we were a little late.  Sometimes, when you drive responsibly that happens.

Door to Door Lies

One beautiful evening, at the end of one horribly nasty attitude of a day, I had just snuggled into my comfortable chair (with the foot feet up) when there was a ring at the door. I was irritated, but I paused DWTS, and answered the door. Cute little gal informs me that she’s been sent from the State to test my water quality. Her fees have been paid by her company, could her team please check my water. They would need to enter my home and use my kitchen sink.

Against my better judgment, I agreed.

Water tester dude, spends about 20 minutes testing my sink water and discussing his preliminary results with Fox, Mav and the Bossman. I was home, just in the other room listening to this ….. FREAKIN’ SALES PITCH!

As each minute passes, I grow more and more disgruntled. I receive a text message from Jag, politely requesting that I pick him up from his school sponsored activity, so I slipped my sneaks on. I was headed out the back door when I stopped, cleared my throat, and asked the water tester dude one simple question.

“How much longer is this going to take?”

His reply stunned me as much as it horrified me.

“Just about another HOUR AND A HALF or so.”

It became uncharacteristically quiet in my home as I looked at the unfortunate dude and said quietly, “I’m about to leave to pick up my oldest son. I’m going to be gone approximately 7 minutes. You better be gone when I get home.”

Then, I left.

The Bossman tells me that the water tester dude looked at him with wide scared eyes. Bossman just said, “You heard her.” Then, Fox chimed in, “That’s what she said.” (Because he’s fixated on the television show, ‘the office’.)

It worked. He was running down our side street to meet up with his 'team' when I rounded the corner to come home.

People, don't spread your lies during DWTS.