Sometimes, I get bored.....

Sometimes, I get bored of my daily life. I live in a painfully small town, one of those places with dirt roads and no stop lights. We have one stop sign, and it fell down last week, and no one noticed. It gets boring here, especially in the winter, when it's so cold you can't go outside for any length of time. It's a slow pace of life.

Last week, when I was especially bored with my daily life, I decided to shake things up. Yes, I'm entertaining only myself at this point.

I wore fake eyelashes. I wore them all day. I made strange faces at people, blinked wildly at them, and made conversation with folks in the hallway for no reason. I stood around all day laughing at myself. I did it all because I was bored with daily life.

No one noticed. I must have applied them really well, because my attempt to shake things up, resulted in only my amusement. Some people thought I was crazy for all the blinking, but really? Those people probably already thought I was crazy, even before the blinking.

I think I should try something else. Anyone got any funny ideas?

Winter funk can't control me!

Winter funk has met it's match!

Good bye funk! Although, snow continues to fall and the cold wind won't stop blowing, today I'm gonna count some summer blessings! Feel free to chime in!

* Bright color polish on my toes.
* Smell of Coppertone in my nose.
* Tons of super cute new swimsuits on the racks in all the stores! And, new cover up choices in magazines galore!
* The promise of new flip flops around each corner.
* Another beautiful sunset means spring is coming closer.
* Coats hanging in the closet with no clear purpose.
* No alarm clocks ringing.
* Green grass, trees and blooming flowers.
* Drinking from the water hose.
* Shorts.
* Carefree days.
* Clear nights.
* Happy.

Winter funk, you can't control me!

Yes, I did that.....

Every once in a while, something happens that you never expect.

Yesterday, while running ordinary, mundane errands, I had a fun conversation with the sales lady at the beauty supply store. Let me first just tell you that she is an awesome sales lady! She stopped working a shelf stocking job to assist me, and she did it within the first few seconds of me entering the store! Thanks lady! You're awesome, and as a reward, I'm going to make you famous in this blog post.

** ding ** (Door rings as I enter the small store.)

Sales lady: Hello & Good Morning! Can I help you find something?

Me: Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm looking for some shampoo..... it's called, 'Pure Silver'.

Sales lady: OK Hon, come on back here, we have some on the shelf.

(We walk to the back of the store together.)

Sales lady: Here it is. We have several brands that do the same thing as 'Pure Silver', I prefer this particular generic. It works great on my customers, and it's about half the price. I'd recommend this.

Me: Oh, thank you for the information! That's so helpful! I'll take the generic!

(dramatic pause)

Sales lady: Um, excuse me, but do you know what this shampoo is for?

Me: Oh yes, it's for white hair.

Sales lady: Yes, that's right, but.....
(She looks at my brunette locks that frame my face with just a few gray highlights... shut up people, my color appointment is next month.)

Me: Oh right! It's not for me, we're washing goats tomorrow night.

Suddenly, her face becomes blank, then a curious look of confusion takes over. Then, she smiles and says,

'Oh, this is some kind of joke right? You're pulling my leg!'

We both begin to laugh.

No, I'm not pulling any one's leg about this, and it didn't even cross my mind as being an absurd thing to do, until the sales lady pointed it out to me.

I just made a special stop at a beauty supply store and bought 'Pure Silver' shampoo, specially formulated for beautiful white hair, for the sole purpose of washing goats. Then, I actually admitted to that purpose to the sales lady, who now thinks I'm strange.

Yes, I did that, and I don't think it's really all that strange. Thanks for the help sales lady! We're going to have some beautiful white goats!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Just an FYI......and No. I'm not jealous.

Here's a little "free advice," from me to you--a little FYI, if you will.

Ladies (and men who choose to.....well, you know who you are),
Let me bend your ear regarding your fashion choices.

If your dress is so short that, as you walk out onto the stage of the David Letterman Show, you have to hold onto it and pull it down as you walk, perhaps--and I'm just going out on a limb here--perhaps your dress is a titch TOO SHORT!


Also, if you are unable to even walk like homosapien erectus (that's 'human being' for all of you who can't do Rocket-Cereal Science like I...) while entering the David Letterman Show stage due to the fact that your stilettos are approximately 3-5 inches shy of sending you "ass over tea-kettle" (as my sweet Granny--in her Alzheimer years--used to say), perhaps you might want to invest in a lovely pair of BALLET FLATS!

Consider this a simple Safety Advisory...me saving you from sharing your "naughties" with the general North American viewing public while in the process of making the bloopers reel via the tumble you take thanks to the body-bucking stilettos your scooting across that stage.  No thanks necessary, SweetPea...it's my job.

P.S. Good luck with that whole 'sports' thing you've got going......

Briefly....

A little bit of random.

Briefly today, I understood why people become teachers. I enjoyed it for a moment, then it passed.

Today I understood shortcomings are not failures.

I had a light bulb moment today. Then, someone turned the switch off.

Mav asked me to take a picture of his ear....



so I did.

The official first day of spring is March 20th.

Please hurry.

"Fat Free!" Ch. 3--Balanced Nutrition (all that I know...the shortest chapter to date)

To quote my favorite movie line of all time in an effort to express yet another aspect of weight loss to which I'm completely amenable:
Andy Sachs to Emily:  You look great!  
Emily to Andy Sachs:  Thank you!  I'm one stomach flu away from reaching goal weight!
----The Devil Wears Prada

While, mildly sadly, I'm not that near goal weight, I wouldn't be completely opposed to a little stomach bug to jump start the "after holidays" weight loss!  Alas, no bug for me and a stalled motivation to boot!  Whatever shall I do?..................I know!  I'll adjust my nutritional intake!!!

Day 1:  I'll take the Special K Challenge and replace 2 meals a day for 2 weeks with a bowl of Special K.  Wonder how many boxes I'll need to buy for the 2 weeks.  Says here on the Chocolate Special K box that there are 12 servings in this eeee-weeee tiny box....hmmm.  So, while I'm no Rocket-Cereal Scientist, I think I'll need only 2 boxes plus 2 servings from a 3rd box.  (I'd like to take a moment here to thank all of my precious friends who teach math, know math, and can do math...I'm sure, at some point, you are why I can do Rocket-Cereal Science!)  SWEET!  That's some inexpensive diet food! 


Day 2:  @#$%!!  Whose been eating my Chocolate Special K??????!!!!  I've only had 2 servings and there's only HALF of a box left!!!!!  (if you listen closely, you can hear Mr. Analytical meekly and tenderly explaining weights & measures and possibly the metric system....I'm not totally certain, though, as I've gone into a rage-starvation-&-carnivorous induced coma...) WHAT?!?  HOW much is a serving??!?  That's not a serving!!!  That's a nibble!  An appetizer!!!  A serving is a FULL bowl of cereal (I use the deep bowls for better flake-handling) with milk oozing up through it's cracks!!!  YOU mean to tell me that I've eaten 3 DAYS worth of food in only 1 DAY!!!?!  SON OF A -------------------------------------------------------!!!!!!

I'd like to go on record here and say to the folks at the DUHpartment of NOTrition:  12 servings in a box of Chocolate Special K there are NOT!!!!!!!!  Unless, of course, you're supermodel skinny and know that you're gonna puke it up in the end anyway...then, naturally, it would be perfectly logical to assume that there are possibly even 24 servings in your boxes.


I would be completely remiss, however, if I neglected to correctly educate you.  Allow me to share the "New Food Pyramid:"


Apparently, as NOT outlined in the "New Food Pyramid," 2 doses of an antibiotic, a dose of an antacid, 1 cereal bar, 1 slice of pizza, and 1 glass of wine a balanced DAILY nutritional intake do not make!

Perhaps I've gone from one extreme to the other?  Yep.  I'm screwed.  Or....am I the "new 14" in reverse?!                        

Andy Sachs:  So, none of the girls here eat anything?

Nigel:  Not since size two became the new four and size zero became the new two.

Andy Sachs:  Well, I'm a six...

Nigel:  Which is the new fourteen.

----The Devil Wears Prada

P.S.  Little Debbie is the Devil in a blue gingham dress!