Thursday, April 7, 2011

I recently watched Gladiator, Robin Hood and King Arthur, so now I must blog this story.

Once upon a time, in a quaint little castle, there lived a beautiful Queen. The Queen shared the castle with a Brave King and three curious little Princes. The oldest Prince had an unusual history of coming down with many a strange disease. When the young lad was only five years old, the beautiful Queen took him to the Wizard of Orthopedic Medicine for help with a slight limp. After one brief x-ray the Wizard informed the Queen that the Prince had become stricken with a very rare bone disease. This disease would live in the Prince forever, and no Wizards in the land had any idea what it would do to the Prince as he grew up. The King and beautiful Queen spent many a restless night worrying for their young Prince. How could the future King rule the land if he only had one leg? Soon, the King and Queen traveled with the Prince to a far, far away land, where a wise old Priest told them that the young Prince would likely live out all the days of his life with both legs. The young Prince could look forward to many a buggy ride because his limp would make him slower and the rare bone disease would likely make him shorter. Nary would a peasant bother a future King for those petty things.

Many peaceful years would pass. The King and Queen lived to see that the Priest was correct. The young Prince was growing into a teenager and suffered rarely from his strange and rare disease. Alas, the teenage Prince could vex the King and beautiful Queen with many a strange and wrong decision. Those tales shall wait till another dawn.

One evening the teenage Prince was sluggish and pale. He complained of a pounding in his head, and then began to wail and moan as the pounding became worse. The teenage Prince declared his pain level to be a ten on the kingdom pain chart! His constant wailing worried the King and beautiful Queen, but because the sun had already set, and the King had popped the bottle of wine open, it was decided to wait until morn to visit the Wizard of Family Medicine. The beautiful Queen administered the magic Motrin doses and the teenage Prince drifted off to sleep.

The next morn, the beautiful Queen accompanied the teenage Prince to the Wizard of Family Medicine’s lair. There, the beautiful Queen was forced to wait an uncomfortable amount of time in the room of commons, where many an old person would cough on her. Finally, the nurse-jester called the teenage Prince back to see the Wizard. The Wizard of Family Medicine mashed on the teenage Prince’s face for one brief second and declared a CT must be taken!

Wait! The beautiful Queen stands to proclaim, ‘Why such a CT must be taken? Isn’t the teenage Prince suffering from the infection of the sinuses? I also suffered this ailment last week. Many a townsperson suffers this same ailment! The market square is crawling with sickness. Prescribe with your wand the magic pink pills to the teenage Prince, and save us from the CT.’

The Wizard of Family Medicine did not agree with the beautiful Queen, so the CT was scheduled. The teenage Prince was elated! Such a grand adventure he had never taken! The teenage Prince immediately called for his communication device to alert the Knights of the kingdom. Many a text was sent, and the Facebook sorcerer was contacted. Luckily, the beautiful Queen was able to stop the sorcerer before the communication was finished. All the townspeople need not know these developments.

The beautiful Queen remembers what the teenage Prince easily forgets. If a limp and one x-ray can lead to a rare bone disease, then certainly a pain in the head such as this, followed by the looming CT, could only lead to a rare brain tumor! Kingdom logic was plain to the beautiful Queen. Besides that, the teenage Prince was well known for pulling many a stunt like this.

The beautiful Queen was as wise as she was beautiful, so all these thoughts were kept silent. The teenage Prince continued to revel in the glory of facing the CT. Only moments after the CT, the teenage Prince was back on his communication device declaring to all the Knights of the kingdom, ‘Dude, it was so cool! I could SEE the radiation coming out of the front of my face!’

Only one sunset would be endured before the results of the CT could be known. The beautiful Queen summoned the Wizard of Family Medicine’s lair to learn of the results. She spoke with many a receptionist-jester and many a nurse-jester. She left many a voicemail and written message. Carrier pigeons carrying sarcastic declarations could not sway the office to release the results! The King and beautiful Queen were dismayed and full of woe. It seems the Festival of Spring had taken the primary Wizard of Family Medicine to a far away land, making it difficult to make known the results.

One more sunset would be endured before the nurse-angel of the substitute variety would request the presence of the beautiful Queen. The nurse-angel would announce that the CT was clear! The teenage Prince did indeed have a brain! It was determined that the front sinuses were inflamed. The beautiful Queen thanked the nurse angel for bringing the good news so quickly, even though it was the Festival of Spring. The nurse angel was rewarded for her good deed with a royal hand stamped decree.

And so, the teenage Prince was prescribed the pink pills of healing, and soon was cured of the pounding in his head. The beautiful Queen got to be right (again) and, they all lived happily ever after!

Till the morn the sheriffs began requesting gold coins to pay for the CT.


  1. And so it was that the teenage Prince continued on his journey of annoyance, employing his communication device to wreak havoc on the Beautiful and Majestic Queen PrissE of the Land of Wolfforth in the County of Lubbock.

    The Never-Ending End.