Tuesday, July 27, 2010

So proud....

Looks like the blue poncho worked just fine. The group had a wonderful backpacking experience. Just look at Jag.....

Friday, July 16, 2010

All I needed was a rain jacket.

We are excitedly getting all mooches (read, sweet children) ready for their summer camping and backpacking trips. Jag really needs new rain gear. Let my nightmare begin.

Episode 1:
We are happily purchasing the Bossman new shoes for his birthday at our local Academy Sporting Goods store. We're only there for birthday presents, but Jag has conveniently located a rain jacket that zips up into it's own pocket. After what seemed like hours of begging (really, only a few minutes of teen eye rolling), I finally agree to make the purchase.

We arrive home with our purchases, Jag opens up the jacket to only then find out we just purchased a YOUTH LARGE rain jacket. Not the appropriate size for my giant teen boy. No problem though, Mav can use it.

Episode 2:
We are at a different local sporting goods store, Big 5. We are there to specifically purchase rain gear for the backpacking trip. We locate the gear, make our decisions (checking sizes more carefully), make our purchase and happily leave the store for the 25 minute drive back home.

We arrive home to find out that the package marked, rain jacket and pants, sadly only has rain pants in it, so again... no rain jacket.

Later that evening, I return to the Big 5 sporting goods store and cheerfully return the package and request another package with a jacket as well. They are sold out. They refuse to sell me another similar item at the price I already paid. I think it's reasonable for me to request the similar item at the previously purchased price. The sales associate, not so much. We discuss our differences in opinions for only a brief few minutes, and I leave the store with a refund, but no rain gear.

Really? Big 5, Really? You aren't willing to take a $5 cut in price to retain me as a customer? Really? I purchase countless things every month from a sporting goods store... my money is no good anymore? Really? Your loss. At this time, I must recommend none of you ever shop at any Big 5 store. Their customer service is...... well, lacking.

Episode 3:
I am tired and alone as I shop in the darkness of the night at the Target. A rain jacket must be found. Must be purchased. We've run out of options. Delightful blue poncho will work! Yay!

I present my Target purchase to the teen. He looks at me, says nothing.... I say, 'Here's your rain jacket (really it's a poncho.) You can wear it, a trash bag from the cabinet, or get wet. You're 14 now, make your own choice.'

Jag says, 'It's perfect! This will work great! Thanks Mom!'

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wedgie Words

Funerals suck.  No matter what the circumstance, they're just hard to handle.  But, here's what I know (and this is NOT a comprehensive list...):

1.  Tragic loss is tragic.  It's hard.  It hurts.  For a long time.
2.  Laughter is cathartic.  Behaving slightly inappropriately adds to the laughter.
3.  Family is family.  No matter the past.  No matter the future.  Family is always family.
4.  Behaving inappropriately with family makes me laugh.  And it's cathartic.
5.  Grown-up girls...especially overweight grown-up girls...should not wear words printed on the seat of their shorts.  But, laughter is cathartic.  I will laugh at you when your 'word-on-your-butt-shorts' creep into a wedgie and spells a totally different word.  So will my family.

For example:
1.  A pair of shorts with the words 'Pick Here' printed across the back might become:
'Pie'  No overweight girl should have 'Pie' on her seat.  It's not attractive.

2.  If you're "reprasentin" your favorite college like, oh, say, 'Stanford' by wearing it on your backside, it might become:  'Std.'  Is that the last thing you want for people to remember of you as you walk away?  I think not.

3.  Then, there are the 'message' shorts that promote tolerance & acceptance such as 'Don't Judge Me.'  These might become:  'DoMe.'  This could be misconstrued in a couple of ways...well...you be the judge.

4.  Let's not forget the ever-popular 'attitude' phrases, either.  Sometimes it's just fun to sport the 'tude.  Perhaps taking the location of the 'attitude' phrase into consideration is of the utmost importance.  For example, if you've got these breeches that say 'Gaming Rocks' in a big-time wedgie-bunch, they might become:  'Gas.'  You'll definitely find yourself with plenty of personal space.

So, when tragedy strikes and your heart is broken and in pain, call on your family & laugh together.  In fact, take it out on the town somewhere and hide & watch.  Somewhere, somehow, someway, someone out there will make you laugh and you'll think to yourself as you look around:  "Isn't that crazy!  WE'RE the 'NoRmAL' ones!!'

Love your family enough to tell them to 'dig out that wedgie!' because my family's on the lookout!!  And, we WILL laugh at you!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Many Different Things.

Oh yeah, I know it's just another name for random. Deal with it.

Two days ago, my dryer broke. We can still use it, but it never stops, and then burns up clothes. So, we're only using it on clothes we don't like. We're not using it. Tomorrow, I'm getting a new one.

We were driving in the car last week, when out of the clear blue sky, Mav asks a question. 'Mom, if me and Fox would have been born at different hospitals, would we still be twins?'

My friend, Rhonda, from another state, will be in my town on the exact same days I'll be in another state. Not funny.

I got a haircut this week. My only request was to make my hair 'less hot'. It's shorter now.

I'm coordinating 'outfits' for a trip in a couple of weeks. My sister hates 'outfits'. I think that makes me like 'outfits' more. I need more jewelry.

Jag came home last night from a few days with Maw-Maw. His first question to me was, 'Did you get spray tanned?'

The rain makes me sleepy.

Summer is fun!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Holy Nosebleed, Batman!!

So, it's 7:59 AM on a lovely sunny morning.....AND I'M AWAKE AND UP!!!

Why?  You ask, was PrissE awake at 7:59 AM......Yes.  All Queens of the Universe should be asleep at such an absurdly profane time of morning!!  5:13 AM.  Me.  Snoozing ever so pleasantly.  5:14 AM.  Me.  Searing pain radiating from my nose.  Head spinning.  Dry-heaving.  Red, icky stuff running from the searing pain place on the center of my face........WTH?!?!

Apparently, Mr. A (and today maybe the 'A' doesn't stand for 'analytical'), rolled over, threw an elbow, and caught me squarely on the right side of my nose.  And....we all know what happens to fragile PrissE when she sustains a blow to the preciously petite nose!

Side Story:  long, long ago...in a much different world...our dear PrissE peered into a mirror to admire her newly acquired leotard for her first ever gymnastics exhibition meet.  Our dear PrissE, even at the tender age of only 6, was quite a tumbling vision to behold in the bathroom counter mirror when, to her horror, she went tumbling into the bathtub on whose side she'd been standing to be tall enough to peer into yon bathroom counter mirror!!  Aesop might say that it is not prudent to wear tights with one's new leotard if one is going to stand on the side of the slippery bathtub.  One might slip into the tub and bang one's lovely petite nose on the tub faucet, forever after being completely intolerant of even the slightest graze to one's button nose!!  

5:16ish AM (give or take a few minutes....my vision was still a touch blurry, so I couldn't read the clock in the kitchen so well), I'm administering my own first aid:  frozen water bottle wrapped in a dish towel, some Tylenol, and a box of tissue to stuff up my nose.  It really wasn't a big deal.  It only took about an hour for the bleeding to completely stop....maybe that's just me being a touch 'dramatic'.....wanting the bleeding to 'completely' stop and all.....

Mr. A??  Where was he in all of this (especially since medical aid IS his field of expertise)??  Soundly and fast asleep.  Me??  On the couch, holding a frozen-dish-towel-wrapped-water-bottle to my nose, and shoving Puffs Plus up my nostril!  Note to self--when needing tissue to stuff up self's nose in order to stop bleeding, Puffs Plus with Menthol is NOT recommended.

Me + Tragic Accident = Tiiiiiiiinnnnyyy Bruise.  

Me + Sleeping Dog Who I Let Lie Even Though He Threw an Elbow and Caught Me in the Face = Stuffy Nose, Slight Headache, and NOT A MARK ON ME!!!!!  WHAT I GOTTA DO TO LOOK A VICTIM?!?!

Swimming Today!!!  *fingers crossed!!*

Friday, July 2, 2010

He was almost a FIRECRACKER!

Tomorrow is the Bossman's Birthday.

Happy Birthday Honey!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Did You Know...

The lazy dog-days of summer.......aaaaahhhhh.  Sleeping late, no make-up/hair to do, swim-suits and flip-flops are my primary wardrobe pieces, the most pressing errand I have is to be at the pool by 1:00, and my perfume of choice:  Hawaiian Tropic SPF 12.  This is the life!

But don't let my life of leisure fool you.  The 'ole gray matter' gets quite a workout on a daily basis with a little deep-end-dunk Foxy and I like to call, 'Did You Know.'

These life-changing and intellectually-enhancing facts are brought to you by the Hot Tamales best known as "SPF 150!"  Our IQ's are OFF THE CHARTS, baby!  We are the 'thinkers of today and doers of tomorrow!'.....all while floating on our boogie-boards in the 10ft deep end of the Pool!

Bio & Physical Science:
Foxy:  Did you know that the skin of a grown man weighs about 10 pounds?
PrissE:  Did you know that the human brain weighs approximately 8 pounds?
Foxy:  Did you know that gum was used to treat the flu?

Fox:  Did you know that if a nucleus was the size of an orange, there would 4 miles of empty space?
PrissE:  Did you know that 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321?  (oh, yeah.  that's from the babe who's too pretty to do math!)

PrissE:  Did you know that all porcupines float?
PrissE:  Did you know that horses can't vomit & pigs can't look up in the sky?

Fox:  Did you know that Santa Anna first invented the flavor spearmint?

Fox:  Did you know that grass has small flowers on it?
PrissE:  Did you know that "trapping flowers" really are carnivores?
Knowledge IS power!!