Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wedgie Words

Funerals suck.  No matter what the circumstance, they're just hard to handle.  But, here's what I know (and this is NOT a comprehensive list...):

1.  Tragic loss is tragic.  It's hard.  It hurts.  For a long time.
2.  Laughter is cathartic.  Behaving slightly inappropriately adds to the laughter.
3.  Family is family.  No matter the past.  No matter the future.  Family is always family.
4.  Behaving inappropriately with family makes me laugh.  And it's cathartic.
5.  Grown-up girls...especially overweight grown-up girls...should not wear words printed on the seat of their shorts.  But, laughter is cathartic.  I will laugh at you when your 'word-on-your-butt-shorts' creep into a wedgie and spells a totally different word.  So will my family.

For example:
1.  A pair of shorts with the words 'Pick Here' printed across the back might become:
'Pie'  No overweight girl should have 'Pie' on her seat.  It's not attractive.

2.  If you're "reprasentin" your favorite college like, oh, say, 'Stanford' by wearing it on your backside, it might become:  'Std.'  Is that the last thing you want for people to remember of you as you walk away?  I think not.

3.  Then, there are the 'message' shorts that promote tolerance & acceptance such as 'Don't Judge Me.'  These might become:  'DoMe.'  This could be misconstrued in a couple of ways...well...you be the judge.

4.  Let's not forget the ever-popular 'attitude' phrases, either.  Sometimes it's just fun to sport the 'tude.  Perhaps taking the location of the 'attitude' phrase into consideration is of the utmost importance.  For example, if you've got these breeches that say 'Gaming Rocks' in a big-time wedgie-bunch, they might become:  'Gas.'  You'll definitely find yourself with plenty of personal space.

So, when tragedy strikes and your heart is broken and in pain, call on your family & laugh together.  In fact, take it out on the town somewhere and hide & watch.  Somewhere, somehow, someway, someone out there will make you laugh and you'll think to yourself as you look around:  "Isn't that crazy!  WE'RE the 'NoRmAL' ones!!'

Love your family enough to tell them to 'dig out that wedgie!' because my family's on the lookout!!  And, we WILL laugh at you!


  1. oh my! those are some wise words to live by! for sure!!

  2. Hahaha!!! So true - on so many levels!