One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingy...

Opa (& Oma):  Snoring........more snoring.........even more snoring........sleeeeeeeeeeeeep......


"One ringy dingy, Two ringy dingy.  One ringy dingy, Two ringy dingy!"

Oma:  WTH?!?  It's 1:00 o'clock in the morning!  Hello???!!


Stupid caller who's not dead or bleeding:  Hello, ma'am.  This is Steve (giggle, giggle, snicker) at the warehouse in Ft. Worth.  We're holding your shipment of condoms due to incorrect shipping address.


Oma:  NO!

CLICK!

I'm sure we've all had at least one of these "in the middle of the night, scare you half to death" phone calls.  You know, those calls that instill the kind of fear that makes you scramble to the phone, stubbing toes and cussing all the way, all while going to the most traumatic, tragic, and hyperbolic situations your mind can conjure that even the writers for Silence of the Lambs couldn't imagine!  Yet, when you breathlessly answer with a complete terror-stricken voice, some stupid teenager on the other end asks "if you've got Prince Albert in a can"......and your mind immediately goes to the "how can i reach through this phone and kill you then lay your body (lay = to put or place...lie = to come to rest/to be untruthful) on the police station steps with a sign on you that reads 'death by prank call' so that all of the police totally sympathize with me" place!

Well, after having a chuckle with my mom (Oma) over the prank call--because you've gotta know my mom to know how hilarious the topic of conversation of this particular prank call is (i.e.  she's a bit on the prudish side...."modesty" we call it....right, Oma?) and because I didn't even know she knew the word 'condom!'--I told her how I thought she should have handled it.

Observe (you must be over the age of 18 or have parental consent to read any further...it's a smidge graphic.  But that's how I roll at 1:00AM):

Opa (& Oma):  Snoring........more snoring.........even more snoring........sleeeeeeeeeeeeep......

"One ringy dingy, Two ringy dingy.  One ringy dingy, Two ringy dingy!"

Oma:  WTH?!?  It's 1:00 o'clock in the morning!  Hello???!!

Stupid caller who's not dead or bleeding:  Hello, ma'am.  This is Steve (giggle, giggle, snicker) at the warehouse in Ft. Worth.  We're holding your shipment of condoms due to incorrect shipping address.

Oma (saying what I think she should've said):  STEVE!  WTH?  How my B*!#&@S gonna make me any greenbacks if they ain't got they skins???!!  Answer me THAT, Steve!  I gotta have the skins to make the dough!  Get me your supervisor on the phone right now, Steve!  Oh, and Steve, just an FYI, my sport of choice is teen-tracking and my GPS just registered your current location.  Please hold while I give dispatch your coordinates.....

I'd be willing to bet that the stupid caller doesn't have a supervisor who would be interested in speaking with me at 1:00AM about how I'm gonna get my 'skins' and "Steve's" probably not great at thinking through the whole "I don't know why the police are at our door at 1:00AM, Mommy & Daddy"........

But...that's just me.

Like Bill Engvall says:  Nice is OVER at midnight!!