Thursday, October 28, 2010

Do you know what's in your heart?

Folks, I'm not talking about heart disease or anything like that. I'm wondering... do you know what's in your heart?

I do. I know and love Jesus. That's in my heart. If He's not in your heart, we can talk about that.

Let's get to some smaller ideas. Is home in your heart? Maybe. Lately, I haven't felt very much at home in my community or at my school or at my church. These are all just places, but always before, I held them in my heart. Really cherishing them. I always saw myself growing old here with the Bossman. The two of us wiping gin dust from the counter for the rest of our lives. Now, that's not necessarily what I see. I wonder where we might park our rocking chairs. I know that place will have flawed neighbors too. All places have their own flaws.

I'm ready to tell you a true story. I broke the law. I was given a ticket. I'm not above the law, not at all, and I've already paid my ticket. I wouldn't for one moment fault the officer for pulling me over. It's true, I was going 25 in a 20. I got the ticket I deserved.

What makes me feel, 'not at home', is that the officer didn't treat me like a neighbor. He is literally, in a physical sense, my neighbor. I guess it's too much for me to expect that I would be treated like a neighbor, because I broke the law.

The ladies in the office where I paid the ticket didn't treat me like a neighbor either. That sort of hurt my feelings. I guess if you speed, you're not a neighbor anymore?

I don't feel at home at my school right now either. There aren't a lot of specific examples of 'why', it's just a feeling I have. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe I expect too much. I promise, I'm not hormonal. I'm just sharing what's in my heart right now.

I certainly don't feel at home or part of a family at my church. There are many changes happening within our church's ministries and changes can be upsetting. It's hard to always remember that church people are just people, and people are flawed. I wonder how the apostles traveled around so much with Jesus, talking to all the church people without constantly being frustrated. They were just people. In the end, many betrayed Jesus.

I'm not saying I'm Jesus. Please don't read that in this post. I know I'm just a person, with my own list of flaws. In fact, some say it's a really long list. Now, that list includes 'lady who speeds.'

I guess some people will still consider me a neighbor, even with the speeding ticket. Some people will gossip about me. That's alright too. Some people will prove to me that they aren't now, and never really were my neighbor. That information is probably good for me to learn now.

I think that people at my school and church will also, over time, prove to me if I'm part of their family, or any sort of a neighbor. I think I'll also learn if I'm a good neighbor. Maybe, I'm not.

I know what's in my heart. I know home is in there. Just now, without the walls. Maybe that's the blessing I needed to learn.

1 comment:

  1. My Jesus, my family (which, ironically is what I always consider "home"), and my friends...that's what's in my heart.

    What's not--room for those willing to live at the expense of others.

    Love you, friend!!