Shopping

Today, I spent a large part of the day shopping. Not for anything particular, just browsing around the clothing stores. I was on my last stop of the day. I rode the escalator up to the second floor at a popular department store in the nearby town, right behind a very cute older retired couple. They were sharply dressed in pressed khakis and matching green polo shirts. They were all tucked in with clean sneakers. He was holding her back very gently so she wouldn’t fall off the escalator, and I thought to myself, ‘That is the sweetest thing!’



Later, I was perusing a discount rack (I rarely buy things full price) in the very hippy cool department, when the very same couple walked by. I was holding a very pretty on sale blouse from OneWorld ™ and considering it very carefully, when I hear the old woman say to her husband, ‘Look at these horrible clothes. It’s like circus wear or Halloween costumes.’



She shakes her head in disgust and motions wildly toward the whole department then; they descended the escalator and were out of sight. I stood there, a little puzzled. Do you think she didn’t see me looking at the hippy cool clothes? Or, maybe she didn’t think I would dare purchase a blouse intended for the circus or Halloween? I’m not a small person, and I don’t really blend into any backgrounds very often, so I have to assume she saw me.



Hmmm, I thought to myself. Am I possibly wrong about this blouse?



In true Sassy fashion, I purchased the super cool hippy top and I can’t wait to wear it everywhere important this summer. I sure hope I run into that lady again. I’m going to thank her for the shopping advice.

** Edited to add:

Blog stalkers, I looked for a photo online of the exact blouse I bought, but didn't find it in the same color I purchased.  Here is their website.


I have actually purchased two blouses from this label, and I really enjoy both tops!  Unique, pretty, original and not at all suitable for a Halloween costume.  (Unless you might be dressing up as an example of awesome!)

Twenty Minutes as a Responsible Driver

 

Hello Blog-Stalkers!  I know you are surprised to know that I had a moment of being a responsible driver.  I did not allow road rage to consume me.  I was a wise, non hand-gesturing driver for just over 20 minutes.

 

Today, driving to town on a busy FM hwy, I had the unfortunate luck to get behind a farm truck pulling a large, very old trailer.  The trailer had no tail gate type device to hold the contents of the trailer INSIDE the trailer, and nothing inside the trailer was tied down.  The trailer was holding a large variety of metal type objects, obviously headed to the junk yard.

This is a dilemma.  I can’t drive too close, or some of that junk is gonna fall out and hit my car, and I can’t pass because the road is very busy and dangerous.  So, I followed behind at a safe distance going WAY below the speed limit.  It wasn’t long before I had quite a line of vehicles behind me.  (Most of them suburbans, but I’m trying not to judge.)

At that moment in time, I had five delightful boys riding with me.  All of them better drivers than myself.  All of them eager to give their driving advice.

“Why are we going so slow?”

“What’s that in that guy’s trailer?”

“Is that a fire hydrant?  Hey!  I think he has an old fire hydrant in the back of that trailer!”  “If it falls out, can we stop and pick it up?”

“Whoa, mom, look at all the cars behind us.”

We’re going so slowly because of that full trailer ahead of us.  None of that stuff is tied down, and it’s about to fall out the back, and I don’t want it to hit my car.  Yes, I think that’s an old fire hydrant and no, we aren’t going to stop and pick it up when it falls out.  I think he’ll know when it falls out.  Yes, I see all those cars behind us.  Don’t look at them; they’re signaling my number one status.

So, onward we go, 5 more miles. 

IN MY MIND: Seriously.  Lady, can’t you see the trailer in front of me.  Being 6 inches from my back bumper isn’t going to speed me up.  I’m already late.  I don’t have anything to lose by going this slow.  In fact, I can keep it up all day. 

Brown suburban turns.

IN MY MIND: Whew!  Glad that’s over. 

Onward we go, 5 more miles.

IN MY MIND:  Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.  Red suburban, really?  Kind gestures won’t speed me up.  Can’t you see that fire hydrant is about to fall out of that guy’s trailer?  I’m already late.  I don’t have anything to lose by going even more SLOWLY.

Onward we go, 2 more miles.

Finally, I reach my turn.  I enter the turning lane, and make my safe left turn while the truck and trailer go straight ahead.  The red suburban has turned her attention to hand gesturing to the truck now, and doesn’t see the fire hydrant fall out of the back of the trailer.

No joke.

Thank you Karma!

One boy says, “OH MOM!  The fire hydrant fell out of the back of the trailer!  Can we please go back and pick it up?”

Another boy says, “HA! HA!  Did you see that suburban swerve?”

Yet another boy says, “NOW I see how pot holes are made in the new roads. Hmmm… that sorta stinks for the rest of the cars.”

Yes, we were a little late.  Sometimes, when you drive responsibly that happens.

That's what they said.

I thought it'd be funny this morning to share some things that people have said to me recently..... for the record, I remained mostly calm in all these examples.

Does this mean I'm maturing? Nah......

Some random child asked:
"Is there anyway I can get some clean underwear before tomorrow?"


Some random teacher was 'asking me for a favor' when she said:
"What are you doing 8th period?"

me: "Going home. I have a conference."

"But, you're being paid for the whole day, right?"


Some random idiot said:
"The birthday party went really well, except Fox just wouldn't stop eating! He ate 5 pieces of pizza!!"

I couldn't control myself (because, you better leave my babies alone), so I asked, "Is that all? What? Did you run out or something? I know these parties are expensive, but the children need to eat."

Finally, I have to share a moment in BFF history. I was wondering out loud to PrissE about what we should wear to an upcoming social event.....

me: "I was thinking hats would be fun. But, I don't even have a hat, and I don't want to turn this into a costume event."

PrissE: "I have hats."

me: "Hats it is!"

See? Sometimes all you need is a 'partner in crime' to make everything all 'normal' again.

Wait..... What's normal again?

update

Last week, I jumped right up on my soap box, and ranted about 'some things I'm not gonna tolerate anymore!'

I'm happy to say, I've been able to stick to my intolerance for all these days. (Although, our snow melted, so I haven't had the opportunity to push an adult into a snowbank.) I'm still happy about NOT talking to the cruel and unruly.

It's really funny how things work out in a small town. In a relatively short time, several people unknowingly "spilled their collective beans", so the Bossman and I were able to find out details about certain 'private' and 'secret' meetings.

It's so funny. Well, maybe just funny to me.

The Bossman just keeps saying, 'We should have moved to Duncan when we had the chance.'

Well, maybe. Maybe not.

Bottom line.

WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

and, the Bossman never forgets.

one of those days...

Yep, ever had one? Me too. Today.

It's made me feel like listing some stuff I'm no longer gonna tolerate.

I might, or I might not use correct punctuation anymore. Because my friend Hector said why be stifled by rules we weren't meant to follow. It could interfere with my (or Hector's or someone else's) right to free expression.

Word.

And, so right. Ending marks have long been an enemy to the free spirit.

If I don't like you, I'm not gonna pretend like I do. Look out. I mean it. And, if that means I push an occasional adult into a snow bank. Okay.

If I do like you, I might hug you for no reason. Or, I might make up some reason for us to have an inside joke. I'm not gonna tell anyone else what our joke means. If you also like me, then you might decide to do the right thing. All on your own. We'll see.

There's a good chance I'm going to relate everything that happens in my life to a Seinfeld episode. I'm probably gonna quote that show often, and in out of context ways. Deal.

Or, don't deal. If you chose the don't option, then don't walk with me in the snow.

Or by a pool. Just thinking ahead.

I may never wear pantyhose again. Just because I don't feel like it.

I've decided that because I'm old enough to have friends that are grandparents, I'm no longer obligated for the local rumor mill. Everybody hold on to your slot on the wheel, I'm bailing off.

"I don't like this, and this is what I'm doing with it!" >(toupee out the window)

Quote of the post: "In the depth of winter, I finally realized that within me lay an invincible summer." ~~ Albert Camus

Listing the really annoying.

In no particular order:

1. Reading the TV guide to me as I am also reading it and scrolling down. Who here remembers the TV Guide that used to come in the Sunday paper? I do. At my house, we saved that TV Guide, and no one dare lose it! We studied it from front cover to back, marking our favorite shows, and flagging things not to be forgotten. NOW, we have the interactive TV Guide scrolling down the TV in real time. YAY! Or not. Guess what children? I can read it. I will select something I like without you narrating the actual scroll down. Get busy with the shutting up.

2. Don’t poke me in the shoulder. Really? Don’t poke me anywhere, but ESPECIALLY in the shoulder. ‘nuf said.

3. Don’t walk in front of me, and then stop. I’m pretty sure I’ve complained about this behavior before, but it didn’t seem to work then, so I’ll try one more jaunt down the bitchy alley. Walk beside me, or wait for me in the car.

4. If you’d like to ask me a question about what activities I’ve got scheduled, just come right out with the question. Don’t quiz me first, to see if I might be available. Put on your big girl panties, and come right out with the request, and then take the response I give you. Guilt is a two way street, and I’m really getting good at it. Plus, it rarely works on me, because I’m mostly mean.

5. If I’d like to wish you a ‘Happy Holidays’, it’s not because I don’t love Jesus. ‘Merry Christmas’ to you, and also ‘Happy New Year’, but since I’m mostly lazy, ‘Happy Holidays’ covers everything with fewer words. I won’t be judged by you or your misguided holiday wishes. You can go right ahead and frown and scowl at my ‘Happy Holidays’, but you’re missing the point.

My life isn’t for everyone.

Get ready for a more honest blog.

Adventures in Substitute Teaching: Why I never became a real teacher.

I don't like everything at school. Sure, the coffee is free, and with enough creamer, it's delicious and makes the day start off delightfully, but that's not really a good reason to become a real teacher. Recently, I've come to realize some of the reasons I never became a real teacher. Let's do it all, 'David Letterman: Top 10 Countdown Style'.

Why I never became a real teacher:
#10: I'm a bad speller.

#9: There's all that 'planning'.

#8: Red tape.

#7: I never learned to 'color' inside the lines.

#6: School starts too early.

#5: Not enough bathroom breaks.

#4: Principals/teachers/any other adult in the building with no sense of humor.

#3: I really can't write small enough to put grades in that tiny grid-marked green grade book thing.

#2: I actually LIKE most children.

AND, the #1 reason why I never became a real teacher:

#1: I have no idea how to make up a list of unreasonable rules and stick to them!

Hey all you teachers out there, some things you can't learn from books. Jump out of the box!

Things to which I AM opposed!

No small talk or chit chat necessary.  Listen up!

1.  The use of incorrect grammar in a public place!  If you're going to misuse the tense of a verb, PLEASE, for the Love of Pete, do it in the privacy of your own mind!!!

2.  Leaving an entire car length between you and the vehicle in front of you--ESPECIALLY if your car length is that of a BUS!--in the drive through lanes...especially at Starbucks!  Obviously, I haven't had my necessary amount of caffeine to render me civil at this point, SO PULL UP!!!!!!  I can get out of my car and come tap on your window!  Do you REALLY want that?

3.  The resurgence of the once ultra-fashionable-now-we-know-better hideous ROMPER!  FYI--Sales Ladies at Lane Bryant, telling me how cute I look in aforementioned romper, or directing me to yet ANOTHER romper in a different print/fabric, does NOT endear you to me nor motivate me to further purchase your wrong-in-so-many-ways couture!

4.  The exploitation of Tsunami waves to steal/rob/commit a bank heist!  Tsunamis have rights!  Thank you CSI Miami for bringing this delicate yet troublesome issue to the forefront of our television-saturated minds!

5.  Kindergartners without shock collars.

6.  Being told, "You are OVERqualified."  If I'm SO qualified, wouldn't you WANT me on your team????  Or, are you holding out for that "sort of" qualified, mediocre, do the bare minimum potential employee?  You are?  Oh.  When your business files for Chapter 11, revisit this conversation and see if you can figure out where things went awry!

7.  My 5 year old asking, seriously, if SHE can be MY weight-loss coach!  Please refer to #5 on this list and anticipate a chapter dedicated to the 'encouragement, motivation, and advice' given me by said 5 year old in my blog series titled, "Fat Free!"

8.  Being mistaken for an Ulta employee.  Just because I can ROCK a black smock--while sitting in the salon, DUH!--does NOT an Ulta employee make me!  P.S. You don't NEED more straightener...you need SERIOUS iron guard!  Or a baler!