Tuesday, February 9, 2010

"Fat Free!" Ch. 3--Balanced Nutrition (all that I know...the shortest chapter to date)

To quote my favorite movie line of all time in an effort to express yet another aspect of weight loss to which I'm completely amenable:
Andy Sachs to Emily:  You look great!  
Emily to Andy Sachs:  Thank you!  I'm one stomach flu away from reaching goal weight!
----The Devil Wears Prada

While, mildly sadly, I'm not that near goal weight, I wouldn't be completely opposed to a little stomach bug to jump start the "after holidays" weight loss!  Alas, no bug for me and a stalled motivation to boot!  Whatever shall I do?..................I know!  I'll adjust my nutritional intake!!!

Day 1:  I'll take the Special K Challenge and replace 2 meals a day for 2 weeks with a bowl of Special K.  Wonder how many boxes I'll need to buy for the 2 weeks.  Says here on the Chocolate Special K box that there are 12 servings in this eeee-weeee tiny box....hmmm.  So, while I'm no Rocket-Cereal Scientist, I think I'll need only 2 boxes plus 2 servings from a 3rd box.  (I'd like to take a moment here to thank all of my precious friends who teach math, know math, and can do math...I'm sure, at some point, you are why I can do Rocket-Cereal Science!)  SWEET!  That's some inexpensive diet food! 

Day 2:  @#$%!!  Whose been eating my Chocolate Special K??????!!!!  I've only had 2 servings and there's only HALF of a box left!!!!!  (if you listen closely, you can hear Mr. Analytical meekly and tenderly explaining weights & measures and possibly the metric system....I'm not totally certain, though, as I've gone into a rage-starvation-&-carnivorous induced coma...) WHAT?!?  HOW much is a serving??!?  That's not a serving!!!  That's a nibble!  An appetizer!!!  A serving is a FULL bowl of cereal (I use the deep bowls for better flake-handling) with milk oozing up through it's cracks!!!  YOU mean to tell me that I've eaten 3 DAYS worth of food in only 1 DAY!!!?!  SON OF A -------------------------------------------------------!!!!!!

I'd like to go on record here and say to the folks at the DUHpartment of NOTrition:  12 servings in a box of Chocolate Special K there are NOT!!!!!!!!  Unless, of course, you're supermodel skinny and know that you're gonna puke it up in the end anyway...then, naturally, it would be perfectly logical to assume that there are possibly even 24 servings in your boxes.

I would be completely remiss, however, if I neglected to correctly educate you.  Allow me to share the "New Food Pyramid:"

Apparently, as NOT outlined in the "New Food Pyramid," 2 doses of an antibiotic, a dose of an antacid, 1 cereal bar, 1 slice of pizza, and 1 glass of wine a balanced DAILY nutritional intake do not make!

Perhaps I've gone from one extreme to the other?  Yep.  I'm screwed.  Or....am I the "new 14" in reverse?!                        

Andy Sachs:  So, none of the girls here eat anything?
Nigel:  Not since size two became the new four and size zero became the new two.
Andy Sachs:  Well, I'm a six...
Nigel:  Which is the new fourteen.
----The Devil Wears Prada
P.S.  Little Debbie is the Devil in a blue gingham dress!


  1. ajajajajajajajajaj!! now i see what i might possibly be doing wrong! ajajajajajajajajaj!!!

    little debbie, she is the devil.

    chocolate special k is YUMMO!!! but, it's only if you don't want to 'undo your day'.


  2. I remember watching that last scene you mention from Devil Wears Prada and thinking to myself is a 6 is the new 14, and I'm currently a size 14...what does that make me? I answered myself too. I'm the new size 50! Bah humbug!

    I started measuring my cereal and 3/4 of a cup is definitely not a normal people's serving at all. That is what I ate as a baby people! Come on, let's get real now and make things realistic. I would feel so much better knowing an average serving is 1.5 cups and it is no longer 130 calories but more like 300 calories. At least then you KNOW you aren't eating good instead of fooling yourself.

    I'm losing steam in my weight loss efforts myself. I've about decided that losing is for quitters and my mama didn't raise no quitter!

  3. Laughing my butt off!!! (That's a lot of laughing)

  4. You are too funny & this is all too true! Miss you, girl!

  5. You girls are all too kind to commiserate with me!!!

    BikerCandy, I'm TOTALLY with you on the "mama didn't raise no quitter!" I like how you think! And, you are lookin' GOOD these days! You go gurl!

    PB...you can't have much butt to laugh off, cuz the way I hear it, you've been running (with no one chasing you to cause you bodily injury...whatever!) and you LIKE it!!!! I grow more and more concerned for you in this place called 'Wheeler!'

    KColeman...YOU are part of the reason I can do Rocket-Cereal Science!!! Love YOU!

    and to my GURL Sassy....you've gotta have a glass of a particular kind of wine to make it all work. We'll get together on that! P.S. When are we gonna get together to plot our revenge on that blue-gingham-dress-wearing Lucifer??? I got some damage to do!