Monday, March 22, 2010

I nearly died on the I35

I'm not even exaggerating (read, maybe I'm exaggerating a little.)

I see the T shirts all the time. You know the ones, 'Keep Austin Weird'. Okay, be weird if you want to, I'm all for a little weird. So, when we decided to take a spring break trip to Austin, I was sort of looking for the weird. The only weird thing about Austin is the traffic! My oh my! It's some crazy traffic.

One afternoon, we had just left the outlet shopping bliss of San Marcos and were on our way back to the show barns to feed the animals. The I35 was so busy! So, very, very busy. I begin the trip with a short conversation with the Bossman:

Me: WOW! Look at this traffic!
Bossman: Yep, looks pretty busy...... what's that over there?
Me: Um.... I don't know.... a van towing a motorcycle? Maybe you should watch the road in front of us.
Bossman: I don't see very many trailers.
Me: Me either. Let's just watch the road in front of us.

Do you see where I'm headed with this? It's the Bossman, he watches the happenings on the side of the road. Not the cars in front of him. This distresses me greatly. I'm currently riding on the I35, white knuckling the whole way, eyes glued to the road in front of us.

We continue on our journey. Sometimes going faster, sometimes going slower, not really changing lanes, just keeping to the left. We've got a pretty far distance to go, no need worrying about exits right now. Still, the Bossman is watching the happenings on the side of the road.

Bossman: Look! We could buy you a new leather purse and also get ice cream from the same vendor! What a deal!
Me: Yes, but let's watch the road in front of us.
Bossman: Been a lot of flat tires along here.
Me: Yes, but.... in. front. of. us. (I now begin gesturing wildly the direction he should be looking.)

This same sort of thing goes on for quite some time. Then, all of a sudden...


Our absurdly large truck takes a quick swerve onto the LEFT median, where all those flat tires are, and narrowly escape crushing an insanely tiny car in front of us.

Dramatic pause right now, please imagine my demise in a traffic accident on the I35.

Then, silence.......

I look over at my beloved Bossman. He's grinning from ear to ear, laughing almost, 'Now, THAT'S how you avoid an accident!'

Now, I decide to use my loud, mad, you nearly ran that car over voice, 'OR, you could stop tailgating tiny little cars in front of us and actually WATCH the traffic!! Either way...'

The Bossman is calm all the time, almost to a fault. The man NEVER raises his voice to me. He just looked at me, all puzzled and said,

'Babe, I was looking the other way.'

I had no reply. I just looked at him.

That's how the entire rest of our trip went. He drove in busy traffic, looking the other way, and I rode, eyes shut, hanging onto the door handle. I'm pretty sure my hand imprint is still there. The boys in the back watched movies. It was pretty quiet. We got lost everywhere we went.

Just as an after thought..... I'd like to thank all the makers of GPS systems that attach to the inside top of the car's windshield. One more distraction really isn't such a big deal.

Second after thought, I'd like those GPS systems to activate long enough to answer the question, 'You mean exit right HERE?' I'd like the GPS to say, 'YES! Right HERE!'

Also, men please answer me this. Is the only purpose of the GPS system for entertainment? Do we really have to TEST it everywhere we go? And, is it really all that funny when the GPS loses the truck? REALLY?


  1. Ahhh... the joys of a family road trip! And, believe me, I know what you mean about that dumb traffic in Austin! That's one of the reasons why I hated living there!

  2. my dad's I35 driving motto: "you gotta drive like the rest of 'em! 90 to nothing and bob & weave, bob & weave." white-knuckling & motion sickness & the sudden onset of Turret's....that's what I35 driving with my dad means to me.......