Monday, March 29, 2010

Reciprocity....It's a big word that means, "Back Atcha!"

Dear U.S. Department of Commerce Economics and Statistics Administration U.S. Census Bureau,

Have mercy!  I'm out of breath just typing your name....that must be where at least a billion or so of our tax dollars go--you know, to creating ridiculous and asinine names!
Let's get down to business, shall we?  I hereby cordially inform you that, within a week, you will be receiving my 2010 Census form.  

Upon receiving this form, I request that you duly note and legally apply any and all pertinent information regarding my whereabouts, property ownership, shoe size and name of my 4th grade best friend....who, incidentally, was Monica.  It is of the utmost importance that you properly and appropriately comply with this request as it is my deepest desire to be tracked, via satellite if necessary, by "The Man."  

Failure to comply with the aforementioned request will result in your zit-faced junior high yearbook photo to be emblazoned across a prominent billboard in the area closest to where your junior high nemesis currently resides.  Furthermore, should you wear white shoes after Labor Day, sport a "modern and totally updated" jumpsuit, or inappropriately use the phrase "gag me with a spoon," you will be fined $0.36 per day, as that is enough money to feed one malnourished child in a 3rd world country per day.

I look forward to you receiving my completed Census form.  If you have any questions or concerns, you may have "a quarter and call someone who cares."  

Thank You,

P.S.  You're gonna wonder where whole, small, rural communities vanished to if you're just counting on sending mail to street addresses.....ever heard of P.O. boxes???  


  1. gurl, i STILL haven't received a form. so, i call the number on the second postcard i received telling me that i received my census form and i need to mail it back, to tell them that i DIDN'T receive a form and i CAN'T mail it back, and all i get is a recording telling me that they don't want to know i didn't get my form until after april 14th.

    also, some of my neighbors received forms via a real person delivering it to their actual door..... but, not me.

    does the government not care that i live here and have people living here with me that want to be counted.

    ps.... by 4th grade BF was Kaylynn.

  2. I have to admit...I can't even remember who my teacher was for 4th grade, let alone who my BFF was then. I'm definitely a product of being an Air Force Brat. Moved way too many times in my childhood so long lasting friendships were never forged.

  3. BikerCandy, i will FOREVER be your friend!