Tuesday, November 3, 2009

"All I needed was a Black Shirt, y'all!"--A Photo Essay

All I needed was a black shirt, okay, y'all?!  Did you know that most self-respecting clothing stores don't open until 10:00AM?  I suppose that's because most self-respecting, self-proclaimed Trophy Wives don't get their spackle and paint on and their hair Aquanetted appropriately until around 9:45AM...

So, today, I was no typical Trophy Wife!  As I was up, spackled, painted, shellacked, and dressed, by 7:00AM, and as soon as I slowed down to 30 and kicked the kids outta the car in the carpool line from hell, I was off to shop!  That perfect black blouse wouldn't buy itself and make its way to my closet without a little help from me, after all!

But, like I said, no self-respecting clothing store is open before 10:00AM.  This, my friends, would lead to, what some of my close friends and family (attorney) have labeled, "PrissE's near-terroristic actions that could merit a visit to the Homeland Security Offices."  To me, I was simply involved in my first photo-journalistic-Mathew Brady (he was a famous photojournalist during the Civil War, y'all) endeavor.  Below are the fruits of my labor (hope I don't become alcoholic and die penniless after this shopping spree is over--you know, like Mathew Brady did after the Civil War)...complete with my signature observations.

I was just a "young-un" when Lee introduced it's revolutionary "Press-On-Nail," totally making the Hollywood-glamour-salon experience available to every housewife and career woman in the world--thank you, Lee.  Then came the stampede of Asian-owned nail salons where they can "do nail fo you...no, not zebra...I do tiga stripe fo you.  You wait 20 minute...I do nail fo you"--again, thank you, Asian salons that I frequent every 2 weeks without fail.  But, seriously, y'all!  How necessary is this, I ask you???

Gurl!  When you find someone with a cute hair cut, and they are real-life people, you gotta getta pic!  Isn't that why cell phones have cameras?

Okay, y'all.  Let the nostalgia rain down!  Y'all remember learning to read with that down-home, Ozzy & Harriet-goody-two-shoes-type pair of siblings.  Well, now we can pass on to our children the tradition of learning to read primer-style with our favorite brother-sister pair (no, not Donny & Marie, y'all!), DICK & JANE!  Also, I think, like I, you'll be glad to see that the publishing company has updated the stories from this timeless, dynamic duo by promoting multi-cultural literature...I'm just not so sure that Dick's & Jane's mom really had a good grip on what her two sweet spawn were really "experiencing!"

Well, well, well...lookie here!  All you could ever want to know, that you don't really have to know, right next to ALL you need to know--and on ONE shelf, even!

Always and forever the avid reader and encourager of the literate, I just thought I'd pay a little homage to one of my new BFF's!  Sassy, Jen Lancaster, PrissE & Celia--BFF's!  It's just like looking in a mirror, y'all!  P.S. If you live in Texas, or anywhere in the South (and, yes, I do know that TX is not "technically" considered a "Southern" state--but a Southwestern state--but, y'all, I taught history.  We are located on the South edge of the United States, okay?!), any book by Celia Rivenbark should be sitting right beside your Holy Bible--moment of silence to honor Jesus...Amen--and should be the second thing you read every morning as a part of your daily devotional...I'm just sayin'!

Aren't they cute?  Taco Tuesdays at Rosa's still means something!  And I'm here to tell y'all, I was there before this couple sat down, and I was there when they left...and they did NOT have to share "the teeth!"  I hope Mr. Analytical and I are just as blessed when we are their age!

You know, at some point in this post, I have to get on my soap box.  And, for this one, you're gonna have to squint, crane your neck toward the computer screen, all while wearing your glasses and saying, "I don't know.  I just don't see...oh, wait.  Yep!  There it is!  That sorry redneck!"  Please notice that this is a shortbed-short wheel-base pick-up, AND THE DRIVER COULDN'T EVEN GET IT TO FIT IN IT'S OWN PARKING SPOT!!  It's straddling the line!!!  You might wonder why this was such a sinful act to me.  Well, just down this very row, to your right (sorry, y'all.  I was so bumfuzzled that I forgot to take a pic), is a 4-door, 1/2 ton, long wheel-base pick-up that is not only parked almost solidly twixt the two yellow lines, but it's sandwiched in between my cute little ladybug and another compact car!  I promise, I was so mad that, if I hadn't lost about 25 lbs. over the course of the last three months and subsequently become a demure and petite little thing, my endorphins were raging so hard I could've picked up that "honey I shrunk my truck" excuse for a vehicle with my bare hands and put it in it's own spot, y'all!  IF YOU CAN'T PARK IT, DON'T DRIVE IT!

What in the #$%% does this mean, anyway?  I'm an expectant mother...when my kids are away from me at any given time of day, I always expect them back!  But just try telling that to the people in the parking lot who stare at ya when you're getting out or in your car, y'all...Don't look at me with your judgment!  You're just jealous because I got the spot first!

I'm thinking of writing a Coffee Table book titled, "Money on the Run" (A.K.A. How many ATMs can I photograph before someone alerts Homeland Security and I'm apprehended and put in prison with a giant, mean, and totally broke fallen-finance mogul or terrorist who thinks I might actually be "casing the joints" for future financial "acquisitions?"  I'm just wondering...cause I got three really great pics of this ATM while a city employee was parked and standing beside his city vehicle, no lie, less than 30 feet from me!)


  1. although, i know the answer to this.... did you ever get the black shirt?

    that expectant mom sign irritates me, maybe because they didn't invent it until after i delivered twins..... i think it should say if you are a tired mom, no matter what the age of your children, please park here.

  2. Lol!!! Makes my day to hear someone else go bananas over these things. Happy to know its not just me!

  3. Sassy said it best...ALL moms deserve a space sometimes!

    @LisaD--just living on the edge of Crazyville! I'm glad to know the population is more than just 1!