The following is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the "Safety Division" here at TftC:
People, LISTEN and be reminded about the importance--for your own safety and the safety of the general viewing public--of reading the labels BEFORE you make any purchase!
While these clothes are clearly marked on their CONSPICUOUS tags, they should have been labeled--perhaps in gold stitching with Swarovsky rhinestones in about a 125 point font across the front of each garment--that they are, in fact, maternity clothing!!! May be then, I would not have mistakenly purchased them in my never-ending quest to find a black shirt! All I needed was a black shirt, y'all!!
In fact, I think I have the perfect label for these two tops:
"CAUTION: The wearing of this product will not enable you to "feed" starving children simply by the release of the strap for access to the mammary gland--ESPECIALLY if you are not lactating, won't be lactating, or can't lactate due to the fact that you have NO reproductive organs as a result of previous removal of said organs!!!"
"PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY FASHION LAW: "Any use of this product by a non-reproducing being, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. The general public will stop all activity at the initial sight of you so as to laugh hysterically and point in overwhelming hilarity while subsequently screaming through tears of laughter, "HEY STUPID!!! THE FRONT OF YOU SHIRT IS 6....INCHES....LONGER....THAN THE....BACK!! IT'S A....MATERNITY....SHIRT!!! YOU'RE NOT....EVEN....PREGNANT!! YOU DIDN'T EVEN....KNOW....IT WAS....MATERNITY!! YOU....DIDN'T....READ....LABEL....OR....EVEN....KNOW....YOU....WERE....IN....THE.... MATERNITY....DEPARTMENT....AT....TARGET!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"