Don't give in to the temptation.

Listen up blog stalkers! It's time to talk about another BQ commandment. I can't in good conscious enter the month of May without reinforcing the importance of this BQ commandment. Number six was written to protect you from extreme embarrassment. Heed the warning!!

6. Thou shalt NOT sport an "orange glow" tan! Vitamin D & SPF are a necessity! (and it isn't fooling anyone!)

Friends, really? You cannot pull it off. Not a rub on tan, not a spray on tan, not gradual tanning lotions of any kind. It doesn't work. I'd like to present Exhibit A:

New York City in March. Brrrrrrr!!! The Bossman is a lovely shade of orange, don't you think? Spray on tan much? Not anymore!!

Exhibit B:

Note the long sleeve jacket, jeans and giant green purse. (Giant green purse was another bad fashion choice, but we'll address it in a later post.) Oh yes, and the lovely orange glow. Never fear people, the entire rest of my body was the same lovely orange glow, you just can't see it because New York City in March is cold!

Exhibit C:

The VERY NEXT NIGHT, we attended our first formal dinner on the cruise. Notice our natural glow after approximately one super hot shower and two loofahs each. Even we noticed the super UN-natural way we were glowing, and made the good decision to wash that glow down the drain. Thank heavens for 20/20 vision and a level head. I'm not even all that green from sea sickness..... yet. It was still early in the week. Sea sickness, to the extreme was waiting for me later on.

Blog stalkers, it's almost May. I know you all want to wear shorts, Capri's and tube tops..... go ahead and do it, but please..... don't give in to the temptation to spray on, rub on, or gradual lotion on an orange glow tan!

These are a Few of My Favorite Things....

When the winter's been dreary and then turns to spring, I begin thinking of my favorite things.....

New Turquoise pool bags with evergreen "strings," this is just one of my favorite things!

Inflatable tubes in pink and in black, 

Fun & exciting pool toys in packs!

New sunglasses and essential sunscreen,

These are a few of my favorite things!!

I LOVE you, Summer!!  I missed you!

Safe Toilet Syndrome (aka: STS)

WARNING! Today's post contains information that might offend those with mild to zero senses of humor. If you don't have your funny bone turned all the way up, then please don't read this. Come back tomorrow.

Safe Toilet Syndrome (aka STS) is a serious traveling condition that afflicts(mostly women) and can cause a generally normal woman to experience.... ** cough ** stage fright, ** cough ** in the public bathroom, ** cough ** as it pertains to.....

Well, there's really no nice way to say it.

If you have STS, then you can't poop in a public restroom. This is serious. It's no laughing matter.

Gorgeous women that suffer from this condition have been known to try several 'tricks' to ease the pain. An over the counter aide, such as, Gas X or Tums might give some relief. Several attempts to find an empty bathroom might be made. Extra walking. Lots of water. These are all great ideas, and will help.

Gorgeous women that are lucky enough to find some relief will need to know the following phrases to say as they exit the public bathroom.

'Whoa! Really stinks in there! Better be careful!'

or

'You might want to try another stall, there's no tissue in this one.'

or, the one that always works,

'I'm sorry. I'm just so sick.'

If you suffer from this syndrome and experience no relief during your trip, don't fear!! You will feel some relief approximately three minutes after you return home. Your delightful husband will usually have your safe toilet all stocked up with fresh tissue, new reading material, and a delightful scented spray.

(Thank you traveling Stampin' UP! sisters! You know who you are! I won't name you in this post.... unless I decide I have too.)

The Muse!

This is me.............in a writing slumP!!

Sometimes, I find my "muse" in sheer silliness.....believe it, or noT!

Alas, today, I search for words.....but they don't comE.....

Never fear, loyal readers!  I shall write again...and you will laugH!

Adventures in Substitute Teaching: At the end of my rope.

I've got Spring Fever.

Spring fever is the absolute worst thing that you can contract as a substitute teacher, because when they call in the morning to ask, 'are you available?' You will always want to say, 'NO!'

I can't always say NO, so sometimes I say, 'OK, I'll be there.' One day, that tiny little voice inside my head (the one that controls good decision making), was SCREAMING at me to say NO! NO! NO! You have spring fever! If you go to school today, some one else might catch it!

I didn't listen.

Then Karma decided to teach me a lesson. People, always listen to the voices in your head, that's the lesson you will learn today. The voices? Just want to help. That's all.

First period: Four lovely boys were tardy. Of course they were tardy! They were hung over from spring fever the day before! I had to repeat the entire lesson four additional times. That wasn't so bad though, because I had a full bottle of my favorite Cran-grape morning juice. So, I could handle anything!

Second period: My entire class (with the exception of one lovely boy), was gone for different UIL events. I thought this would be a breeze! Until, I was called to watch a pot of 8th graders. A pot of 8th graders must be watched carefully, because they boil over very easily. I'm still not worried! I have some juice left.

Third period: I. am. so. hungry. Spring fever has made me want to eat lunch early! OH NO!! I'm out of juice.

Fourth period: All I can think about is lunch. Lessons? Teenagers? It's all a haze to me now. I think I remember trading a Dr. Pepper for a fruit crisp bar. Did we play solitaire on the computer? I may have blacked out.

LUNCH! Sweet glorious lunch! Spring Fever!! LUNCH!!! I ate.

Fifth period: Again, all my students are gone for different UIL events. I'm switched to a watch a pot of 7th graders. (As we all know, 7th graders are the hardest pot to watch.) This particular pot is a dangerous mixture of stupidity, boy and extreme spring fever. Stir with caution. I'm feeling over confident after an especially delicious lunch and a second hydration container of my favorite Cran-grape morning juice. (Never drink the morning juice after lunch!)

As it turns out, one boy ended up with a concussion after lunch time shenanigans, so I used first aide (training from medical TV shows) to keep him alive in the classroom until his mother could pick him up. Every one is safe now.

Sixth period: Merciful last class of my day! These giant teenagers are more whiny than the 7th graders. Karma, forgive me! I'll never ignore my voices again! No juice left. I'm in the middle of substitute teacher break down when a lovely giant boy asks me, 'Do I HAAAAVVVVEEEE to do ALLLLL of this?' In the absolute most horrible whiny voice I've ever heard.

I calmly looked at him and replied, 'I don't give two shakes of a cats tail if you do it or not, just sit down and stop whining.' Then, someone said I cried out for juice, then the bell rang.

Drama Diva: "I Just Met Man Hands"

I got spirit
yes I do...
I got spirit
how 'bout you?

I am so cute dressed in school spirit clothes! Time to support our small town team! I wonder who will be at the game tonight?

I've got my soft butt pad, my hydration bottle and plenty of peanut M&M's. This is gonna be one fun evening!! I wonder who will be at the game tonight?

I love old episodes of Seinfeld. I loved them when they were new, but I love them even more now, just 'cause funny stuff never gets old, right? One of my favorite episodes is, 'Man Hands.'

I'm feeling privileged. I'm feeling honored. I'm feeling.... well, cute, 'cause I am, that's why. But, guess what? I just met the Man Hands, herself! In the flesh! With the giant hands! She's real.

And, she's loud.

Not just because of the giant hand clapping either. She's loud in a 'I holler louder than any three people combined' sort of way. That would be alright, because in some circles, I'm known as a loud yeller as well. I know, that's hard for you to believe, but I've got to support the team! I'm nothing, if not supportive!

I'm a new under wire bra, and I've got to show off my top!!

Unfortunately, Man Hands yells really loud, really dumb, really inappropriate things. So, I'm just gonna help her out now. Because, I'm all about community service. I'm totally plugged into this town, and I can't stand for this sort of embarrassment to continue!

Hey! Man Hands, listen up! Don't tell the other team's fans the names of the referees. 'Cause, you know, they might yell mean stuff at them, and call them, by their given names, and I know those referees moms, and it's gonna hurt some feelings.

No mom. Not a single mom, ever. ever. ever. Wants to hear someone say to their baby, 'Come on Sam! We'll wait while you get your glasses! Do you want me to call your mommy to bring 'em over?' If I'm Sam's mom, some glasses might get put in an inappropriate place, and who wants Man Hands to have to retrieve something like that? In a place, remote.... like that?

But, I'm not Sam's mom.

I'm just looking out for every one's safety.

I care about the community.

** The actual name of the real referee has been changed to protect both of their sweet, sweet Mothers. Man Hands is her real name. I don't protect villains.

A perfect example of the appropriate way to use Facebook.

Listen up blog stalkers! I think it's time we re-visit the BQ commandments! I'll do it randomly, one at a time, beginning with one of my favorites, NUMBER THREE! (Oh, you thought I was gonna go in ORDER?! Um, Hello? Have you met me?)

3. Thou shalt keep your FB Status updates humorous or entertaining. AND, do NOT reply to my status with your poor judgement!

As an example of 'how to' use Facebook correctly, please enjoy the following:

PrissE's Status Update:How many places on FB can you converse at one time with one person? My personal best....5! I am a killer FB-Talker!

Sassy's Reply: me? also 5. you're welcome!

PrissE: It takes two!! And we...well, in a word: Awesome.

Sassy: self esteem much? nah.....

PrissE: I'm in self help for my confidence level....training others how to have some. it's my job as a blog author...my duty really.

Sassy: thank you. really.... the world, we all thank you.... job well done!! :)

PrissE: you know how i believe in adhering to my responsibilities.

Sassy: yes, i was just talking about your how responsible you are... like just 10 seconds ago.... weird.

Random other friend that decided to chime in: if there was a FACEBOOK AWARD for that, I'D VOTE FOR U ALL DAY ALL THE WAY!!..lol...and I'm sure you'd win..

It is so nice for other friends to chime in! Especially, when it's for the sole purpose of telling us how AWESOME we are! It's like having your own little applause box to open when you're feeling a bit blue. Nothing like a good round of applause. Give yourself one (a round of applause), if you recognize that Seinfeld reference.

Hey Blog Stalkers! Did you know Tales from the Compact has a fan page on Facebook? Well, we do! Just check out that cool widget on the right. Don't be scared.... do some clicking!

Big dreams, Little's description...

My kids & I often discuss "what they wanna be when they grow up."  Don't all proud parents?  Sometimes I even find myself trying to "influence" their choices....Don't all proud parents?

In a recent future-career-dreams discussion with my sweet Little, she made it quite plain what she wanted to be:

Little:  When I grow up, I wanna be a person what goes into space and eats pudding from a bag.  But, I sure hope I don't get hit by a meat-eater!

As do I, sweet Little.  As do I...

What are your kids' hopes and dreams?  What do they wanna be when they grow up?  What do you want for them to be?

Today, It's All About OPA!!!!

Today, my dad, better known as Opa, is 65 YEARS OLD!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OPA!!

But, before he was finally eligible for AARP, he was but a wee lad...in a dress no less!

Move over Opey Taylor!!  Can you tell who Big favors most (that's Big on the far right)??

  

Check out #75....lookin' like a lit match in the sunshine!

What a handsome fella!  He's so cool!

He's in the Army now!  Captain Yoakum:  

  

And then, he fell in love...:

       

And baby (that's ME!) makes 3--plus 4 generations!  And, that's quite enough!

A new addition...right before baby (that's ME) gets married...Jasper is definitely Opa's dog:

 

June 4, 1994.  My wedding day:

It's all in the family:

  

  

We love you, Opa!!  Happy Birthday!

Don't blink...

Just take a moment, and let this image soak in.

This is a completely candid shot of Mav, Miss P and Fox. I almost didn't tell the entire blog-o-sphere about this photo, because I didn't want Little to be jealous of this moment in time. Since I know Little, and I know that she doesn't get jealous of things like this, I'm gonna share. Even if Little would have an uncharacteristic moment of jealously, Miss P is certainly capable of defending herself in any battle for boys' attentions.

Really? These are non-issues, because they're all friends.

Just friends.

For now.

But, I'm not letting these three (or any combination of the TWO) out of my sight.



Hey, what are ya'll up to?

Kids Say the Darndest Things....That Make Parents Craaaazy!!

I can see you....peeping in the window to my world!  Allow me to go ahead and just "open" that window for ya!

Lots of my daily conversations are with kids.  How I get myself into these situations is beyond me, but I do.  And, most of the time, I don't win the arguments...I mean 'conversations'........

Me:  "Little.  You know Daddy and I are not pleased with your irresponsibility with your library book/reading homework.  Did you bring home your library book like Daddy told you to?"
Little:  "Ooohhhh!  I forgot!  Mommy.  You were home all day today.  YOU should have been responsible and called my teacher to tell her to REMIND me to bring home my library reading homework."
**I can see how that would be my fault........


While having a conversation with Jag regarding texting, phone numbers and prank calls, he says, "Isn't Jesus' phone number (555)555-5555?"
How do ya answer that?!  Oh, I know.  "Let's give Him a call!"  A lovely voice on the other end of the line ever so sweetly says, "The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service.  If you feel you have reached this recording in error...."  Now, we're both a little scared that Jesus has changed His number.....and not left US His forwarding info!!!

While explaining to my 9-almost-10-year-old son the dress-requirements for the regional science fair, Big managed to express his disgust quite eloquently:

Me:  "Big, I'll iron your pants for Science Fair. Go get them." 

Big:  "WHY!?" 

Me:  "Because they're wrinkled." 

Big:  "Do I HAVE to be handsome?!!!" 

Me:  "Yes.  It's just the way you roll. You can't help it. Go." 

Big:  "The scientist Alfred Einstein's not handsome!  And I'm a scientist too." 

Me:  "It's 'Albert' and he's dead. You're still living...for a few minutes more anyway. Get the pants." 

Big:  "Fine.  At least I get to sit in my UT chair on TTU soil."

Xanax, margaritas at lunch........these options are beginning to appeal to me.......

Now I Remember.....

We entered the Barnes & Noble just as any family would.... walking with our feet, through the door and into the awesomeness that IS the B&N. We had been anxiously anticipating this trip to 'town'. The boys hadn't been to the new B&N yet, and had heard tales of it having an escalator. That magical traveling device that transports you to the next level of retail books to purchase.

The glorious escalator.

Except, when we entered, we stopped, looked right at the escalator, and Fox announced, 'Now I remember what an escalator is, I don't like it.'

As a close knit, supportive family, we all began to laugh at him. We made him ride the escalator.



After, a few times up and down, he got more used to it.



These two didn't have a problem.



They were only too happy to encourage their brother. I think someone said, 'Don't forget to step off at the end, or you'll get sucked underneath.' Someone else recommended, 'he hold on with just his hands and swing all the way down.'



Yes, I did have my camera in the B&N! Thanks to Terri and Wendy, I am inspired to carry that thing everywhere! See? It brings me joy!



By the time, we made it back to the car, Fox was feeling back to his 'normal-not-normal' self.



I believe we can check RIDE ESCALATOR off his bucket list.