Monday, January 18, 2010

Dear lady behind me in line at the Walmart:

You should know if you make the life choice to 'deep sigh' at me, there will be consequences.

First of all, I give everyone one 'free pass deep sigh.' We're all entitled to one. The first deep sigh could represent a number of things.

For example:
**deep sigh** 'wow! this line is long.' or

**deep sigh** 'I sure hope I got everything on the list.' or

**deep sigh** 'I wish my hair was as cute as that lady in front of me.' (I get that last one A LOT!)

So, as I already said, your first 'deep sigh' is a freebie. Use it wisely.

If you make the life choice to 'deep sigh' at me as I'm loading up the conveyor belt, you better have the guts to look me in the eye when I look back to give you the visual warning. Look lady, there's a chance that the guy in front of me would like to have some space for his frozen pizzas and cans of chili. I'm not going judge him on that deal. Give him some space please! I'm not going to PUSH him forward into the two elderly ladies that have loaded the conveyor belt up with broccoli and boxed wine. I might be one of those old ladies some day. If we like to visit and look around while we check out, ease up! We're old ladies!!

If you make the life choice to 'deep sigh' at me again as I'm actively NOT pulling my buggy far enough forward for you, then you better hope I don't poke a hole in this giant dog food bag, because have you ever experienced how long it takes the Walmart to clean up a spilled bag of dog food and bring you another one? It takes some time lady, ease up!!

If you make the life choice to 'deep sigh' at me again as I'm running my credit card and NOT signing fast enough for you, then you need to be prepared to listen to a conversation between me and the check out girl as I compliment her new tattoo. If this conversation irritates you, and you make the life choice to 'deep sigh' at me again, then you need to be prepared for a faked seizure.

Lady, do you realize I'm a stay at home mom at the Walmart with no children? I have like 5 hours to kill! I totally have time for a faked seizure before I've got to pick the boys up at school. Do you have any idea how long it takes a tattooed check out girl to realize a seizure is being faked?

If you are lucky enough to survive all your bad choices, then you certainly shouldn't 'deep sigh' at me one final time, as I don't back out of my parking space in a timely enough manner. Okay, maybe I didn't actually hear that final 'deep sigh', but I imagined that's what you meant when you flipped me off.

Ease up lady! The Walmart will still be here tomorrow.


  1. I love a good 'deep sigh', especially when I have the time to make sure the giver enjoys it as much as I did as the receiver!!

    Love the new look on the blog.

  2. I CANNOT wait to buy my tickets to watch the @$$ whoopin'!!!! I'm getting FRONT ROW, baby! I wanna be so close I can hear the bone snap when you break your foot off in her............