Monday, January 25, 2010

Savant?...I Think NOT!

From time to time, you've probably gotten some great e-jokes that you've forwarded to anyone and every one in your address book (and some that are not so great--keep those to yourself!).  On occasion, some of those e-jokes have proven to be completely fictitious while others, though almost too hilarious to be anything but fictitious, were startlingly true.  

Sassy, me and the staff here at Tales are no exception!  In fact, since beginning this crazy roller-coaster adventure of blogging, we've received tons of emails from readers wanting to "share the wealth!"  Here's just one of those e-jokes......but, be not take a drink while reading as we are not responsible for the damage projectile-nose-launching-liquids may inflict on your computer! (p.s. any similarities between you and the people represented in the situations below is purely--well, maybe not--coincidental....but we'll never tell!)   

      We had to have the garage door repaired. The-Major-Appliance-Retailer repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.  I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one The-Major-Appliance-Retailer made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.  He shook his head and said:  

     'Lady, you need a  1/4 horsepower.'  
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.  He said: 
     'NO, it's  not.'  Four is larger than two.  
We haven't used The-Major-Appliance-Retailer repair since.

      My daughter and I went through the Popular-Golden-Arched-Fast-Food-Burger-Chain's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.  She said, 'you  gave me too much money.'  I said, 'Yes I know,  but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'  She sighed and went  to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.   I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'  The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in
Do not confuse the clerks at You-Know-Where!

     I live in a semi rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local  township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign  on our road.. 

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore..'
From Some-Town, KS


     My daughter went to a local Mexican-Fast-Food-Bell-Chain and ordered a taco... She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal Lettuce.'  He said he was sorry,  but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City

      I was at the airport, checking-in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'  To which I replied, 'If it was without my
knowledge, how 
would I know?'  He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Some-Town, Ala.

     The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine.  She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.   I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.  Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' 
She  was a probation officer in Some-Town, KS

      At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker:  She was leaving the  company due to 'downsizing.'  Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun.  We  should do this more often.'  Not
another word was spoken.  We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Certain-State-Instruments...
      I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on....
A deputy with the Some-Huge-Town-In-TX-County Sheriff’s office, no  less.

      When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the driver side door.  As I  watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'  His reply, 'I know.  I already got that side.'
This  was at the Ford dealership in Some-Town, MS

     A woman drove to the bank drive in window to cash a check.  The teller told the woman that in order to cash her check she would need to see her drivers license.  All in a huff, the woman drove away in apparent disgust.  Momentarily, she came back to the same teller.  When once more the teller told her she needed to see her drivers license, the woman replied, 'You didn't see the license when I drove around???

They walk among  us... And They REPRODUCE

(A BIG shout out to 'Abner,' 'Woody,' & 'Opa' for promoting 'awareness' and keeping us on our toes!)


  1. ha! ha! ha!

    ok, i have to tell on myself now, just because, you'll see why.

    it was my dear wendy's first convention in salt lake city. we had left the hotel and were about to cross the street to the convention center. (in SLC, the traffic lights 'tweet' to alert the visually impaired folks it's time to cross.)

    well, the 'tweeting' had started, and we begin to cross whilest i explain to wendy that, 'the lights 'tweet' here for the deaf people.'

    pause, while that information soaks in....

    wendy, didn't miss a beat, as she replies, 'hmmm.... usually the 'tweeting' is for the blind people. you know, because the deaf people can't hear it anyway.'

    then, we both collapse into hysterical laughter and have been 'besties' ever since!! :)

  2. as long as we're 'confessing...' remind me to tell you my 10% story sometime! it's far too long (and I don't really come of so intelligent, either....) to tell here...yeah. that's why i can't share it's far too long...........