Dear Madame "Pilfer"y...whose name shall be changed!

UH. MA. LAWD!!!!  People, PUHLEASE!!  Can we ALL get on the same ‘social grace’ page?  I was SO taken aback by this inquiry that I had to go to “my gurls” (and * snaps * to Sassy & PrissE for successfully peeling me off of the ceiling—albeit with a little coaxing from my friend, Pinky Tuscandero…) for some “are you kidding me?  Can you puhlease tell me how this can even be true” support!

First, we must revise your signature…..if you have NOT ‘pilfered’ anything (which, YOU HAVE NOT), then you must not carry said title in your name.  Therefore, you shall, henceforth, be known as “Madame Mercy,” because it took a #&!! Of a lot of mercy not give that man a 3D snack on little thing my precious cousin—homage to ‘The Bolt’—used to call a “slobber knocker”… a.k.a. YOUR FIST!

To quote “my gurls:”

PrissE:  “When he ‘tattled’ on you, you should’ve approached him and asked to see his 3D-Badge!  After all, he must’ve been a member of ‘the force,’ right?  I surely hope that the prison in which they put you isn’t just 2D!  What good would those glasses do you there?!?  And, your hair would just be ‘flat’ all of the time!  No fun.”

Sassy:  “And, the next time you go to that theater to see a 3D movie and the ticket-girl hands you a brand-new pair of glasses, you should slide them right back at her and tell her ‘I’m sorry.  These aren’t my size.’  Then, ever so elegantly slip yours out of your handbag and slide those puppies onto your face like you were Jackie O!” 

Now, Madame Mercy, if you haven’t figured it out just yet, YOU TOTALLY OWN THOSE GLASSES!  When we pay $8 and sign a lien on our home for ticket prices to see a movie in the theater these days, whatever little visual aid we receive is rightfully ours.  Possession is 9/10 of the law, and I’ve got a foot with anyone’s name written squarely on the toe who says it ain’t.  I’m just sayin…

Love & Grace to you, Madame Mercy!

From:  The “3D’s”  (props to “my gurls!”  I would’ve committed a felony without you on this one!)