A Time for Giving

This Christmas brought a time of hustle, bustle, shopping trips to town along with the rest of the northern half of Texas, and........SNOW (Thank you Jenn Beamer!)!!!

That's right!  We had a "White Christmas!"

Our "Winter Wonderland" was also fraught with all of the perils of traveling in 3-5 ft. drifts of snow and inch upon inch of ice!

Our very own neighborhood was no exception.  On Christmas Eve, just outside of our backdoor and off of our driveway, at least 5 people got stuck in the 3 & 4 ft. drift that covered our street.......little did they know--and lucky for them--that at our house lived an "Every day Hero" by the name of Mr. Analytical!!

This, my friends, is one of the many reasons why I love this man so!  No matter the weather, the temperature, or what his daily-grind brings, he will never bypass a stranded motorist.  Thus, every one who was stuck outside of our driveway was greeted by Mr. Analytical--clad in his Carhart coveralls--with a smile and a "Need some help?  I've got a chain and my truck's warm," only to be on their grateful way within a brief time.  All except for the 9:30 PM stranded motorist....

At 9:30 PM on Christmas Eve we heard the intermittent spinning of tires and knew the scenario.  Mr. Analytical donned the coveralls, gloves, toboggan and headed out the back door with the same resolve he had when the sun was shining and he pulled out the first stuck vehicle earlier in the day.  Mr. Analytical and the driver of the truck pulled, dug, pulled, dug...and dug some more.  They worked tirelessly.  

At 10:02 PM, I began to get a little concerned that the two men had been out there a little too long and needed something hot to drink, so I set to work on some hot chocolate to take out to them (I may not cook, but I can whip up a hot chocolate that would make Santa feel all warm and fuzzy).  Just as I was pouring the cocoa into cups to take out--around 10:10--Mr. Analytical walked in the back door.  The man was out and gratefully on his way...and his vehicle had been VERY stuck!

Around 11:30 AM, on Christmas Day, Mr. Analytical was heading out the back door to go to work (he'd been called in for an acute heart-attack).  When he opened the back door there, hanging on the handle with a red bow and an anonymous 'Thank You' attached, was a brand new tow rope!!


Now, we have no idea from whom that package came, nor do we know when and where that person could have possibly purchased that tow rope between 10:15ish PM on Christmas Eve and 11:30 AM on Christmas Day!  But to you, Mystery Giver, we say 'Thank YOU!!!!'

I love this man I call Mr. Analytical.  Many who know him love him.  If you don't have the privilege of knowing him I hope that someday you have the pleasure and blessing of making his acquaintance.  He is a true "Every Day Hero!"

*This post is dedicated to the memories of Milton & Leona Troxel (who have both now gone home to the arms of our Lord, Jesus) of Austin, TX who first called Eric Knight a Christmas blessing and Every Day Hero on Christmas Day, 1995.*  

Merry Christmas stomach flu.

This year, on Christmas Eve, I had the stomach flu. Really, you don't need anymore details than that. It was a short, unpleasant, stomach flu. Every body's been there.

Here's a list of things I didn't accomplish on Christmas Eve. (because I had the stomach flu)

1. no food preparation
2. no cookies baked for Santa
3. no wrapping of the last minute gifts
4. no movie watching (except Star Wars IV, V & VI) I love Star Wars, may the force be with you.
and
5. no children watching

Also, our town had about 8 inches of snow on the ground, so I did no snow playing, no sidewalk scraping, and no errand running. (These things I don't enjoy anyway.)

Basically, I got a free day in bed! Thank you stomach flu.

Wait a minute..... people here's the good part.

I have a really delightful husband! He took care of all the things on 'the list' plus tons of other things, and I didn't even have to ask him to do it! Just, he did it, because I had the stomach flu. He also kept me hydrated, cooked me some soup, and made sure my feet were warm. (how sweet is that?)

Christmas morning was awesome! Everything was done. I am truly blessed.

Today, we celebrate 20 years of being married. Happy Anniversary, babe.



I know! This scrapbook page is SWEET and AWESOME.... and, look how cute we are! It's amazing, 20 years is a long time.

This summer, my wonderful, talented friend, Brandi, came to our house and took some Anniversary Pictures for us. Here we are.



Here we really are.



This man, I love.

"A Little Help Here, People!"

A girl's beauty is of the utmost importance....however, there is only so far a brother will go to ensure his sister's beauty.

*Scene:  A lovely family-filled Christmas night at Oma's & Opa's.*

Little:  Mom!  Can we put on my nails that Santa brought me?  Please, can we do it now?


PrissE:  Sure.  These will be stuck really well.  I'm using nail glue along with the self-stick adhesive.  You do need to let the glue dry for a little while though.


*time passes.....nails are being applied.......*

TAADAAAA!!!

Little:  OOH!  I have to potty!  Be right back!

*a few minutes later...........

Little:  BIG!  I need a little help here!  I have long nails now and I can't pull up my britches!


Big:  No.


Little:  OMA!  I need a little help here!  I have long nails now and I can't pull up my britches because now I have long nails.  




*and.....Scene!*

Sometimes, being beautiful is a collaborative effort!

Merry (day after) Christmas!!

Merry (day after) Christmas!!

hey all you blog-stalkers,

Clear out of the way!! I'm on my way to the Target!!

p.s. meet me at the Barnes & Noble Starbucks.... you know the time! :)

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas to all our blog-stalkers!

We LOVE You!!

PrissE & Sassy

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Merry Christmas Eve!!

** SMOOCH **

PrissE & Sassy

Dear Diva... YES!!! Drama Diva Has her OWN 'Advice Column!'

To all of our loyal "stalkers" (and the not-so-loyal, too...P.S.  if you're not loyal, get loyal!  and if you get loyal, bring more loyal stalkers with ya!  spread the word!):

We, here at Tales, are all about you, our reader.  AHAHAHAHAH!!!  Now, that's funny!  Y'all--you know it's all about us, right?  .....NO!  Wait!  Seriously, though, we are very appreciative of our readers and followers.  It truly is all about you!  So, we've decided to heed your call.

We've gotten so many emails, letters, and calls from people wanting to ask Drama Diva how she would solve some of their life's dilemmas that we've decided to ask her to be a "Guest Contributor" to the blog.  That's Right!!  Drama Diva will now have her own advice column exclusively here on Tales from the Compact!

Be here at 8:00 AM on Monday, December 21st, 2009 as Drama Diva debuts her new advice column, Dear Diva...

**Diva would like to thank her first 'desperate-for-Diva's-advice' seeker, "Drama Queen!"  And, GURL...does Diva have some advice for you!  STAY TUNED........

Adventures in Substitute Teaching: Why I never became a real teacher.

I don't like everything at school. Sure, the coffee is free, and with enough creamer, it's delicious and makes the day start off delightfully, but that's not really a good reason to become a real teacher. Recently, I've come to realize some of the reasons I never became a real teacher. Let's do it all, 'David Letterman: Top 10 Countdown Style'.

Why I never became a real teacher:
#10: I'm a bad speller.

#9: There's all that 'planning'.

#8: Red tape.

#7: I never learned to 'color' inside the lines.

#6: School starts too early.

#5: Not enough bathroom breaks.

#4: Principals/teachers/any other adult in the building with no sense of humor.

#3: I really can't write small enough to put grades in that tiny grid-marked green grade book thing.

#2: I actually LIKE most children.

AND, the #1 reason why I never became a real teacher:

#1: I have no idea how to make up a list of unreasonable rules and stick to them!

Hey all you teachers out there, some things you can't learn from books. Jump out of the box!

'Tis the Season!

Pull up a cozy chair, grab your favorite comforting drink, crawl under your blanket and get ready for a Christmas tale to remember....

MOVE over all you Mall-Rats!


WATCH out you Wal-Martians!!


TURN & RUN all you Target Tourists!!!


Because......here comes CHRISTMAS CAROL--Shopping Diva!!!


You know the lady....she's the one who cut you off on the access road so that SHE can pull into the parking lot first!


She's the one who nearly mowed over Granny Mabel and her walker-basket combo as she exited the store...all for the "best parking spot" she could find!


CHRISTMAS CAROL is the one who stands huffing & puffing & making that tongue-clicking sound in irritation whilst standing with her left hand planted firmly on her protruding left hip.....she CANNOT see through you to choose the best Lizard Larry action pack for her precious little Edward Elf!  After all, her baby boy deserves the best!  Never mind that you did grace the aisle a full 1 minute 37 seconds BEFORE Carol--AND, you have your basket scooted over on the right side of aisle appropriately and legally, according to Section 1.7C of the Texas Shoppers Ethics Code (or TxShEC for short!  OK.  So I made up the section #...but, y'all, the shoppers' ethics ARE implied!).


Oooh!  A new checkout lane opens and you're next to be called over by the sultry sound of the uncharacteristically happy cashier's words:
     "Ma'am.  I can get you over here."
...Only to be basket-banged by none other than--you guessed it!--CHRISTMAS Carol!  She does have a wildly busy schedule, y'all!!


Don't Fret, my friend!!  'Tis the Season...


Just then, the preciously-angelic & heaven-sent cashier monologues to CHRISTMAS Carol:
     "Ma'am.  I must object to your most recent action and ask you to step aside for this lady whom I just called.  She was to be first in this line.  
     
     "You see, I saw you cut her off on the access road when pulling into the parking lot.  I was right behind her pulling in, myself and I never heard her even honk at you."


     "I then watched you nearly kill an elderly pedestrian with a walker as she exited our store, simply so you could illegally park on the diagonal yellow lines in between handicapped & general parking.  That was when I decided to monitor and observe you in our store, in case security might be needed."


     "I watched you, once more, inflict your 'air of entitlement' on this lady on a toy aisle.  Yet, she never returned the rudeness.  Instead, I heard her say 'Oh. Excuse me,' when she realized you were exasperated."


     "But this is the straw that broke this camel's back, Ma'am.  Now you've made actual physical contact by bumping her basket with yours so she'd stop and you could push on through.  You know what I heard this lady say to you then?  Nothing.  No complaint, no gripe, no snide remark.  Nothing.


     "I can tell you what Christmas means to many of our shoppers just by observing their Christmas shopping behaviors.  Christmas, to you Ms. Carol, is all about you and yours...what OTHERS can do for you.  Christmas to this lady, however, is about the consideration, safety, welfare, and happiness of others.  In a word, to her Christmas is Jesus.  I can tell that SHE gets it, and you, Ms. Carol, do not."


     "So, after I check her out, I'll happy to do the same for you.  And, I hope, Ms. Carol, that when you leave here, you feel a little safer, a little happier, and a little more humbled...because, as far as I'm concerned, you and I, through this lady, have just stood in the presence of God.  You have a Merry Christmas."


Well.  Whatta ya know...Jesus can even manifest in an overly-stressed, over-worked cashier at Christmas shopping time!  That just goes to show that, even when we think no one else is watching, being the Salt and the Light to others and glorifying our Savior at all times through our actions is ever imperative!  


To whom will you show Jesus this season?  Or, will someone be showing you to Him (Thank you Angel-Cashier!!)?


Merry Christmas to All, and to All, Peaceful Shopping!!

It's Your Birthday!!

Hi Mom!

Happy Birthday to you!

YES she did.....

The list of things moms do is long. Super long.

You guys probably remember a post PrissE wrote one time about the 'Expectant Mothers' parking spot at the grocery store. In theory, this is probably a super nice thing for the store to do. In reality, all moms deserve that spot at one time or another.

I'm so proud of our fan and our friend, Tiffany R!! She recently took a delightful coffee conversation and put it into action!

Everyone, picture this: Six super fun moms all sitting in the new Barnes & Nobel -Starbucks just enjoying the morning. Everyone is coming or going from some 'Mom' job, and we're just all taking a brief moment to re-fuel on caffeine and friendships. The one thing that makes the morning special? No one planned to meet there, we just all ended up there together.

Conversation turns to the parking spot. We all start to laugh! The moms that really need that spot are the moms of teenagers, or the moms with 3 children or more. (OR, Moms of multiples! I've been there, done that!) Those are the moms that rarely have their eyeliner on straight, are often late, and are frequently stopping by the grocery store to either feed a random child or set of children, or to pick something up that is 'essential' but has been forgotten until 10 minutes before it's needed.

We all laugh! Really, the mom that needs the expectant mom parking spot could be any of us! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we started a new trend. Hey moms! If you need the close spot at the grocery store, park there! Use the spot! If you have a new baby, park further away, you're probably still exercising, expecting that 'baby weight' to melt off. (Bless your heart, I don't want to burst any bubbles here.)

Or, how about this? ALL Moms, let's work together on this! If you need to park close, do it! And, if you see some Mom parking close without a baby.... don't judge.

So, back to Tiffany.

She did it.

One delightfully busy day, she pulled up at the grocery store, parked in the expectant mom parking spot and exited the giant mom car with only her teenager with her. Oh, poor teenager... sweet thing was EMBARRASSED that Tiffany parked there. 'Mom, you can't park here!!'

Tiffany replied (at the top of her voice, while walking into the store), 'YES I can! Today, I am an expectant Mom. I expect my children to do many things they haven't done yet. Also? I have FOUR children! So, stare at me if you must, but today I need the close parking, so I'm taking it!'

Thank you Tiffany!

Your boldness empowers us all!!

"Fat Free!" Ch. 2--23 Lbs. down...and Baby STILL Gotta Fat-Back!"

Chapter 2:  “23 Lbs down…and Baby STILL Gotta Fat-Back!”

Little & PrissE (PRE-23 Lb loss!)

Little:  Mommy, when are you gonna lose the rest of your fat?

“It’s just another manic Monday, oooohhhh wooaaooo, That’s my funday, woooooooaaaoooo  wooooaaoo…”  As if I needed another day of mania! 

Well, actually, I completely skipped out on Monday (okay…so I’ve skipped out on several Mondays).  Now it’s Wednesday—December 9^th--I’ve not lost 80 pounds, and summer is less than six months away…the 80 pounds has to be gone!  Is it possible to break the Biggest Loser records at home, without a trainer, access to equipment, and a pantry full of processed food?  SURE!!  Oh, yeah, and every other commercial I see on TV is either a diet program or a fast food commercial. 

Did I mention that I’m watching lots of TV?  Could that be an issue?  Could that be the reason my metabolism is operating at the pace of snail? 

“How’s that working for ya?” (Can’t you see Dr. Phil standing in between me and my T.V. asking me this question?  Ooh!  Too creepy!  Sometimes, I think Jesus speaks to us through people like Dr. Phil…NOT!) 

Needless to say, after much negotiation between my foot and Dr. Phil’s high & mighty not-so-skinny moral turpitude, he’s now moved out from in between me and my daily dose of 7^th Heaven, Matlock, and my recorded episodes of DCC. I suppose a smidge of cardio during DCC wouldn’t be so bad…maybe I could do a routine or two with Kitty and the Training Camp Candidates…two, may be three minutes later:

PrissE:  Hello.  911?  HELP!!!! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

HELLO?!?!

tap, tap, tap....

this thing on??

Hello? People?

Why doesn't anyone ever leave a comment? If I wanted to just talk to PrissE, I'd call her on the phone. We're constantly entertaining together on a phone conversation. Maybe we should just record one of those?

Leave a comment.

Offer us a book deal.

Tell us what you think?

Open Letter to Girls

Dear Girl aged 14-16,

You're not 'all that'. You wear too much eyeliner, too much hairspray and too much perfume is worse than none at all. I promise Snickers for lunch isn't a good idea and YES!! you too will get a big butt when your boobs come in... it's a package deal.

Consider less talking and more listening. Seriously, boys aren't thinking anything and YES! that outfit looks dumb.

All My Love,

Every Substitute Teacher in the Universe

Celebrity Sighting #1

So, I'm sitting at the new B&N with Sassy, just staring out the window at all of the people in the mall parking lot, and WHOM should we see?????

None other than the One-And-Only.................

Country Music Icon--CRYSTAL GAYLE!!!!!!

Open Letter to Boys

Dear Boy aged 14-16,

You're not 'all that'. Deodorant is not optional. You're not invisible when you pick your nose. Yes, girls notice. Also? Please pull up your pants, take a shower, and consider a haircut.

All My Love,

Every Substitute Teacher in the Universe

Talking About Girls--From the 2-DQ-Dudes

How, exactly, do 9-year-old boys feel about girls and the things they do?  People, this is a true story....seriously....I couldn't make this up if I tried!

The 2-DQ-Dudes

MM-So do you have any girls? I have 0.

Big- You dont have any girls in your class!?!

MM-No!!! I have 0 girlfriends!!!

Big-(Laughing) Ohhh! I don't have any girlfriends either.

MM-Hey-you have freckles like me right?

Big-Yes.

MM-Tell the girls they are angel kisses-they love stuff like that!

Big-Okay (laughing).


MM-Why do girls think they look good with make up on?

Big-I don't know.

MM-I think rich girls start to wear make up way to soon and it makes them look ugly.  

Big-Yeah sometimes rich girls are really mean.

MM-My mom says that you need to like a girl who loves Jesus and if she doesn't she can make your life really miserable.

Big-Yeah loving Jesus is really important.

MM-Now women, they need to wear make up...have you ever seen my mom without makeup?!?!  Looks like she having a sinus infection...Some girls in CM's class wear make up-he doesn't like it either.

Adventures in Substitute Teaching: My own kid in class.

Imagine my delight as I discover my own delightful teenager listed on the roll sheet of my current substitute teaching assignment! It's going to be a fun day!!

Precious teacher has left a reminder:

Please remind the class that the comparison/contrast essay is due on Monday.

After further investigation, I find out that the essay was assigned two weeks ago. My teenager is currently shrinking in his seat at the speed of light. Will he disappear before the end of class? That's the question.

Sidebar with my own teenager:

Jag: Mom, I've started it. I SWEAR!




Me: That's Mrs. Substitute Sassy to you teenager. You have a busy weekend ahead of you.

(Giant eye stare, other boys chuckle.)

Me: Shall I visit with all your moms?

The rest of the class in Unison: No Mam.

Me: Great! So, we understand what's happening during this time?

In Unison: Yes.

As it turns out, having your own teenager in class has it's definite advantages. Key among them: due dates.

Thankful-Ch. 2

There are SO many people in my life for whom I am thankful--that's right, 'people,' not things.  Naturally, I am endlessly thankful for my parents, my husband, my children, and every one in my extended family.  Also, I'm exceedingly thankful for my friends and my church family.  However, a recent turn of tragic events has given me cause to reflect on a group of people who have come and gone in my life, but have forever had an impact on my personal character, my work ethic, and my belief in the power of knowledge:  the over 1000 students whom I've taught over a period of 14 years.

(Because privacy laws regarding posting students' pictures/info online prevents me, I won't post photos, but I'll bet you can visualize someone in your life who's been inspirational to you in ways these kids have been to me.)

To my classes of:

1993-1994:  Thank you for letting me cut my student-teacher teeth on you.  You're the ones who gave me permission, and the freedom, to laugh as much as possible.  It's because of you that my job would never become "work."

1994-1995:  Thank you for your patience...you are the reason my OCD didn't get the best of me OR any of my subsequent students!  Run with those "teachable moments" and don't worry about what the lesson plan book says.

1995-1997:  It was a privilege and a joy to teach every one of you 3rd & 4th graders!  You taught me the importance of really knowing each of my student's names--after all, there were over 700 of you! "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." Dale Carnegie


1997-2000:  Thank you all for trusting me with needs to which you didn't always want to admit.  You taught me to address my own needs and seek those who would willingly and firmly support me.


2000-2001:  Change.  Each of you helped me through very major changes in my job and my family life (my son was born two months prior to this school year).  Because of your steady and diligent natures, I successfully weathered one of my most feared issues in life--change.


2001-2004:  We experienced the tragedy of 9-11-01.  We had fun together!  We "made our own way" of learning.  For a little while, it was all about us...and you reminded me how cool it is to live inside my own knowledge but want to learn even more!  


2004-2006:  You are the people who drove home my understanding that kids are people.  While that may seem an asinine understanding, the depth of respect that reciprocates from this creates a student/teacher relationship that is immeasurable.  You made it possible for me to see the adults that you could be, that I wanted to help you be, and the talents you possessed to make it all possible.  Thank you.


2006-2008:  You are my final hour.  In all of our conversations about "what you want to be when you grow up," at some point, you convinced me that I could reach for and attain my newest educational and career desires!  Boy, you're good!  You fanned a flame of ambition that I didn't realize was already lit and you told me that I have what it takes to achieve.  In doing so, you restored my self-confidence.  Thanks for seeing in me and showing me what I had forgotten of myself.  Who knew you were so schooled in psychology!?! Thank you.


Since, as your teacher, it was MY job to inspire you, I hope that I provided you with a fraction of support and encouragement that you gave me.  I won't ever be able to repay you for your generosity, but I will honor each of you daily by living in such a manner that reflects each lesson I learned from you.  I will, as they say, "pay it forward."


I love each of you and thank God for the lessons and time we shared.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Knight (because to you I am not PrissE, but will always be Mrs. Knight)

Thankful.

I love this picture.

Look at those two women! They could be any two anonymous women bustling down the big city sidewalk of any great place, on their way to grand adventures in New York, Chicago..... anywhere.

So, you won't be surprised to find out that they're in Amarillo, Texas. That's my Grandmother on the right and my Aunt on the left. My Aunt Oleta worked at a department store downtown in Amarillo for a lot of years. I figure that's where they're going to or coming from when the newspaper snapped this photo.

I love their hats and coats, their tiny clutch purses, the nylons they're wearing. I love the fact that my grandmother is wearing her 'driving gloves'. She always wore them. I can remember sitting in the backseat of her old blue car, (sans seat belts) and watching her drive through the streets of Amarillo in her driving gloves. She would point out landmarks, talk to me, and always, always held the screw on the top of the car when we passed under railroad bridges. My grandmother also showed me the girdles and other 'old time' undergarments they wore, and knowing about all that, I can't believe the smiles on their faces.

I'm thankful for the women in my life.

My grandmother told me a story one time about a lesson she had learned. Many years earlier, she had been approached by a lady at church. That lady had 'informed' my grandmother that the hem on my grandmother's skirts was too short.

Can you imagine the nerve of that church lady? I can't. I was insulted for my grandmother, who just laughed when she told me the rest of the story. She told me that she never got mad at that church lady. She went home that afternoon and lowered the hem of every skirt in her closet one inch.

Why, I asked? Why would you indulge a person like that? A busy body, know-it-all, that had no business telling other ladies what to do. Why would you do that and give her the satisfaction?

My grandmother told me that she knew her hem wasn't too short. She added that she didn't care about the hem of any skirt. If it was one inch higher or one inch lower, it didn't matter to her. My grandmother didn't want to be the one that got in the way of that lady learning about Jesus. If that busy body church lady was so concerned with my grandmother's skirt hem, then that lady might miss the chance to learn about God.

My grandmother was funny. She said, 'I'm not getting in the middle of that!' (Eyebrow raised, smirk on her face.)

Today (and everyday), I'm thankful for the women in my life.

Now, it's time for an open forum.... post your replies, let's hear what you're thankful for, and I don't want to hear anything about turkey.

Weenie World--WienerSnicker--Whatever!

Dear Marketing Department @ Wienerschnitzel:

Have I got a marketing campaign for you!  All you need are about 5 or 6 children around the ages of 3-10 years old--and we've got some perfect candidates for 2 of your children--a hot dog, a chair, a mic, and a camera!

Scene:  A white and empty room with a chair in the middle.  Seat a child on the chair with a hot dog in his/her hand, and ask him/her to say "Wienerschnitzel."  Keep that camera rolling and catch their EVERY attempt at pronunciation!  Your Slogan:  "Wienerschnitzel.  Hard to say.  Easy to eat."

(This was a discussion between my children about where to eat for lunch one afternoon recently)


Little:  Weenie World...oh. Wait.  Ummmmm...


Big:  It's not 'Weenie World.'  It's Weenie-Shitzel.

Little:  OH!  I got it!  It's WienerSnicker!




...........and this went on for at least 20 minutes.......without ANY success!

Save the Date!

Meet my future Daughter-in-Law, Little.





She is smart, beautiful and knows what she wants and how to articulate it.

SCENE: (any beautiful summer day at the pool)

Mav: Hey Jag, Little is telling everyone you're her boyfriend again.

Jag: What? I thought she broke up with me.

Mav: (laughing) I guess not.

Later.....

Jag: Hey Little, I thought you broke up with me, so Fox could be your boyfriend.

Fox: I'm not her boyfriend.

Little: (raises eyebrow, eats sour punch candy and shrugs her shoulders)

Mav: I'm not her boyfriend.

Jag: Little, I'm NOT your boyfriend.

Little: You are if I say you are.




** end SCENE **

I think that about sums it up.

PrissE and I are planning an ocean side wedding.... probably early summer, 2030.

Save the date.

Blob-adee-Blob

I propose that the use of yadda, yadda, yadda be stopped. (forgive me, Seinfeld)

Hence-forth and forever more, we shall say blob-adee-blob.

Amen.

Here's the thing.....

Everyone listen up. I have a dyslexic child, who is now a teenager.

That's the fact.

Here's the reality of that fact:

Things like math facts and spelling words are new to Jag every time he sees them. Try explaining to the teacher why he mis-spells his own name. Time has no meaning to him;therefore, due dates are really just random numbers. We have no idea how to organize most things, remember most things or prioritize most things. Guess what? It's always been like this. Guess what else? We continue to thrive.

Here's another fact:

Public school doesn't respect us. That's just how it is. Most teachers are awesome! They do everything they can possibly do to help Jag get through the school day. Terrific teachers are under paid and under appreciated. Most teachers are terrific. Some of them, are not..... they can take a flying leap! Teaching isn't for everyone, learn a new life skill.

I've received a slight bit of grief over the past two posts about Jag. Just a tiny bit, and I want you guys to know this is our life. Good, bad, ugly and mis-spelled. This is our reality. I love it. We have to be able to laugh about it. These are the facts of our daily life, it brings me joy.

So, here's the thing....

Jag is a brilliant teenage boy. He doesn't do anything the way I think it should be done, but we get it done anyway. You might be surprised at the things you can learn to do differently. Guess what? It's OK to be different. Really.

He has tons of family and extended family and friends that love him. I mean... really LOVE that boy!! And, we laugh.... A LOT! Jag is the first one to laugh. He laughs even when I am crying, because he's an awesome boy.




End of story.

Dilemma.

Question:
What do you do when your very own, brilliant teenager embarrasses you in PUBLIC by screaming at you no fewer than 5(five) times? A whole bleacher stand full of people must think I'm the dumbest mom in the universe. Or, maybe they just think I have the most disrespectful teenager of the day. Either way, it's unpleasant for me.

Answer:




That's my teenager pictured above in the blue underwear.

Lesson learned:
Don't scream at a blogger mom.

Dyslexics UNTIE! (or is it 'Unite?')

Here are some texting "converSashens" between my sweet friend, who has Dyslexia--or, as he refers to it, "I HAVE A DISEASE, YA KNOW!!!"--and some of us who really love him.  (P.S.  I have total permission from his mother to post this info...but not from him!  Teehee!)

Jag--Did erik fix the idop yet?


PrissE--the what?


Jag--the ipod, DUH!


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Jag--I sa u


PrissE--I sa u tooooo.  U pla gud!  (may be I shouldn't poke fun......NAH!!)

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Bossman--I need for you to come help in the shop


Jag--Ime in medal of converSashen  (this was probably a near fatal mistake and thus ensued a most unpleasant "converSashen" between Bossman (the dad) & Jag (the son).......)

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Jag--I nead 2 work november 10 in cunseshon stand


Sassy--huh?  (her texts and responses are always short and sweet!)

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Sassy--Where r u?


Jag--Woking!  (this would be "of the perambulating nature, not the cooking nature)

Sassy--Well 'wok' faster!

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We do 'luv u' Jag!  

Everything you never wanted to know.

Sometimes I wonder.... have I always been like this?

Let's start with the easy questions.

Sassy, have you always enjoyed ice cream?



Why, YES! I certainly have!! Also? My little children love ice cream!



I scream, You scream, we ALL scream for ice cream!!!

Sassy, have you always talked on the phone a lot?



Why, YES! I always have.... sometimes while drinking heavily. Obviously, I'm a gifted drinker. Keep your comments to yourself.



I can also talk on the phone while eating delicious chocolate cake!



Ah... cake, cake, glorious cake!

Sassy, have you always enjoyed the changing of the seasons?



Why, YES! I always have!! The fall pumpkins are nice, but I have always enjoyed a sassy little spring bonnet.



If I had to pick ONE season that has always been my absolute favorite, it would have to be SUMMER! (That's me in the bikini.)



Oh, beloved summer... why does thou forsake me every year? You leave just when I need you most, and certainly, you take your time showing up again. Oh, how I love thee.

Sassy, have you always enjoyed a good laugh? a broad smile? and a good hearty chuckle?



YES! I certainly have! I think it runs in the family....

READ the LABEL!

The following is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the "Safety Division" here at TftC:  

People, LISTEN and be reminded about the importance--for your own safety and the safety of the general viewing public--of reading the labels BEFORE you make any purchase!

While these clothes are clearly marked on their CONSPICUOUS tags, they should have been labeled--perhaps in gold stitching with Swarovsky rhinestones in about a 125 point font across the front of each garment--that they are, in fact, maternity clothing!!!  May be then, I would not have mistakenly purchased them in my never-ending quest to find a black shirt!  All I needed was a black shirt, y'all!!

In fact, I think I have the perfect label for these two tops:
"CAUTION:  The wearing of this product will not enable you to "feed" starving children simply by the release of the strap for access to the mammary gland--ESPECIALLY if you are not lactating, won't be lactating, or can't lactate due to the fact that you have NO reproductive organs as a result of previous removal of said organs!!!"

"PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY FASHION LAW:  "Any use of this product by a non-reproducing being, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe.  The general public will stop all activity at the initial sight of you so as to laugh hysterically and point in overwhelming hilarity while subsequently screaming through tears of laughter, "HEY STUPID!!!  THE FRONT OF YOU SHIRT IS 6....INCHES....LONGER....THAN THE....BACK!!  IT'S A....MATERNITY....SHIRT!!!  YOU'RE NOT....EVEN....PREGNANT!!  YOU DIDN'T EVEN....KNOW....IT WAS....MATERNITY!!  YOU....DIDN'T....READ....LABEL....OR....EVEN....KNOW....YOU....WERE....IN....THE.... MATERNITY....DEPARTMENT....AT....TARGET!!!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

You Didn't Notice

I love a good day a the beauty shop! It's one of my favorite things to do. Sure, some people might think once a week is a bit too much, but there's something to be said for maintenance. Truth is spoken in this place. No one leaves the Beauty Shop with toilet paper on their shoe or lipstick on their teeth. In this place, the truth is spoken.

Unless you've needlessly injected collagen into your lips. I can't help you with this irresponsible choice. Also? I'm probably going to make fun of you. Seriously? Bozo looks more mainstream. Invest your money more wisely please.

Today, I'm enjoying an updated color process and a dramatic change to the cut. Gotta keep things fresh and new, exciting and current.

The remainder of the afternoon is spent scurrying around town. Every sales person is in awe. 'I love your hair!' It was said so many times, I lost count. 'Thank you,' I replied, 'it's new today.'

I'm on cloud nine. Beaming with self confidence, I pick up the mooches from school and start the after-school process.

No one says anything. Well, they're just boys. How could they possibly notice everything? The Bossman gets home.... thousands of other meaningless tasks are accomplished. Still nothing. No compliments, no one asks what I did with my day.... nothing.

Right before bedtime, I shriek, 'LOOK AT MY HEAD!' Everyone pauses, looks at my head and in unison asks, 'Did you get a haircut today?'

Slightly.

Yes. A haircut and new color and a new style. People on the street have been mesmerized all day! Yet, my own family? Nothing.

The mooches laugh and begin a chorus of compliments that would have been welcomed after school, but now it's too little, too late. And? It's given in sarcasm, our family's native tongue. OK, OK.... I get it, everyone, go to bed.

The bossman is relentless with his compliments. He's really sweet. He tries. At the end of the day, I'm still the only girl in a house full of boys.




The end result is pleasant. Ever since that one shrieking incident, I return home from the weekly beauty shop visit to a serenade of compliments. It's a very pleasant afternoon.

I love pleasant afternoons.

"Old People Are Dumb!" (thus thinketh young people...)

*I haven't talked to Sassy in like, 6 hours!  I have got to call that gurl!*
dial, ring, ring, ring...


Mav:  Hello?

PrissE:  Hey, Mav!  Whatcha doing?


Mav:  Nothing.






PrissE:  Did your doorbell just ring?  Do you need to answer it?  


Mav:  Yeah, the doorbell rang.  It's probably our friend, the Prince of Paleness.  He always just rings the doorbell twice.

PrissE:  Oh, so the Postman Always Rings Twice, huh?  (you know...from the 1946 movie starring Lana turner...).

Mav:  No.  It's the Prince of Paleness.  *duh!  PrissE's getting old, I guess...suffering a little dementia.  Poor old thing.*



PrissE:  Okay...So, are you home by yourself?

Mav:  No.  the Prince of Paleness is here.  *Jeez!  AND she's hard of hearing!  May be even one brick shy of a load...*

PrissE:  Ummmm...is your mom there?


Mav:  Yeah.  She just hollered, "Someone get the phone!"





PrissE:  Oh.  Okay.  Just tell her I called and to holler at me when she gets a chance.  Bye, now.


Mav:  Okay.  Bye.  *Deaf for sure!  And, it won't be long now and she'll be tucking her dress into her pantyhose in public and walking around with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her shoe...that sure will be funny!*