Friday, October 30, 2009

Move over, Mall Cop! DRAMA DIVA's On The Case!

Scene:  Local mall parking lot (can you see where this is going?)

Scenario:  Scouting the lot for the most rocking parking space...but, behind a can't-quite-see-over-the steering-wheel-old "blue hair" in a Caddy!  (P.S. I've got nothing against of my great-grandmothers was 4'9", sat on a phone book to look through her steering wheel, and drove herself to the nursing home where she passed a month later from the age of 93!  and she was one of the kindest people i knew.)

Okay, kids.  Help watch for that rockin' parking space!  Ooh, there's one, and that old lady in the Cadilac just overshot it!  SWEET!

Wait!  What in the #$%% are you doing, Ma'dam Blue-Hair!  Put your car back in DRIVE!  

Mom, is she gonna hit us??  She's backing up!

Hey!  Blue-Hair!  Just because you drive a big-ole-honking Caddy, and can barely poke your blue-hair-covered head above the wheel, does NOT mean that I have to back-up my petite & precious little red ladybug because you overshot a potential parking space and are wagging your crooked-arthritic-badly-manicured thumb at me to back up!!!!

OH!  Oh!  Yeah!  Go ahead and put your car in reverse!  Yes, ma'am, I DO see your reverse lights!  No, ma'am!  I WON'T back up even though you keep "air-jamming" me with your thumb.  Madame Blue (Hair), my car may have cost a fraction of what yours cost, and it may be a tiny, fiberglass death-trap, but there is a BIG-OLE "Sees the world in black & white-no gray areas-right & wrong-merciless attitude" behind the wheel of this little, cheap death-trap and it's pressing the BRAKE!  But, not for it's in DRIVE, baby!

What's that?  You'll just stay right where you are?  You'll just make that poor person trying to back out do the Austin Powers-stuck in between two concrete walls-back up, pull forward dance?  Well, aren't you the Chief of the Safety Police!

Ah!  There's a space for us just on the next, let this be an example to you.

Of what, mom?

Close the door, Sweet-Pea, so I can lock the car.  HEY!  MADAME BLUE!  I would like to thank you for providing me the situation and opportunity to educate my two children on public rudeness AND airs of entitlement!

Let's go see if Big-Overpriced-Department-Store has a nice dress for mommy.  Shall we kiddos?


  1. look at you, making lemonade out of lemons!! so proud.....

  2. thanks! because i was TOTALLY in the right!